I Fell Asleep And Paulina Gretzky's Butt Cheeks Lit The World On Fire

Hand up. I fell asleep last night before Paulina Gretzky posted that picture. I watched Bachelor In Paradise from 8-10 then surfed the internet for an hour and my head hit the pillow at about 11:05. That’s earlier than usual but live tweeting BIP takes a lot out of a guy. I thought, “What the hell? Nothing is gonna happen this late. It’s a casual Tuesday night. Time to catch up on some Zs” which was a mistake. Everybody knows the #BlogNeverSleeps. Paulina posted that picture at 11:15. Devastating. I jusssssssssssssssst missed it. There’s no worse feeling as a blogger than to wake up and realize something like this happened. I woke up to 500 DMs and a pit instantly formed in my stomach. My head ran through a billion scenarios on what they could be about. Did somebody die? Did I finally get fired? Did Elon Musk finally turn into a super villain and take out a small city?

I nervously clicked the DMs tab and saw 500 PAULINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA DMs. Worst case scenario. That was the worst thing it could’ve been. I’ve been on the Paulina Gretzky beat for years now and it hurts to miss a butt cheeks picture like that. That might be the best picture she’s ever posted and what was I doing? I was spooning my pillow in dream land. We’re gonna try and be better going forward.