Campus Police Departments Unleash Their Secret Weapon: Rollerblade Cops.

Campus police departments finally unleashed their secret weapon, something they’ve been cooking up in secret for decades, just waiting for the day crime would become too advanced for regular “on foot” cops:

The Rollerblade Cops.

When you woke up this morning did you say to yourself, “today I’m gonna talk,” or, “today I’m gonna skate?”  It’s clear what decision these cops made.  They’re gonna skate and they’re gonna skate the fuck out of some criminals.  They don’t skate for fun.  They’re not soul skaters.  They are lean mean crime fighting machine skaters.  They knew the Segway cops weren’t getting shit done. All they were doing was creating a mockery of the system and spawning Kevin James film franchises.  Oh no no no.  Rollerblade Cops are here to put a stop to all of that.

You can run, but you can’t hide from these officers inline skating slightly faster than normal footspeed in a wobbly side to side motion on 8 polyurethane wheels.

Unfortunately… you know what they say.  Traditional police methods are becoming more and more obsolete as the criminals get smarter and learn to adapt.  What worked in the past will only work for so long before the bad guys come up with new technology to get around it.   And you can see it happen here in real time.   Rollerblade cops unleashed…rollerblade cops instantly foiled.

The god damn STAIRS.  Why didn’t we think of that?  We knew if they went DOWN stairs we could do a sick grind down the rails and free-jump onto their backs taking them down to the ground and into the arms of justice.

We just didn’t think what if they went UP the stairs???

Those guys are so demoralized.  The one dude who halfheartedly tries to walk his way up, then realizes, with sunken shoulders, that it’s a lost cause.  Foiled again.

I guess all you can do is tip your cap and resign yourself to the fact that the bad guys will always win, no matter what you do to try and stop it.