Happy Birthday to John Mayer
I asked the only other guy in the office that’s gone alone to a John Mayer concert if it was okay that I blogged about John Mayer’s birthday since he might too. Thanks @BarstoolTrent.
That sentence is remarkably millennial; much like the high pitch tone of a dog whistle, half of old people can’t even see that sentence through the decrepit rods and cones in their geriatric eyeballs.
Youths who have at least one wet supple eyeball read that headline and probably got excited for a John Mayer blog; other reader’s clinched up and made an Arthur fist. I might need security.
John Mayer was a kid who left home, quit college, and got noticed with his catchy acoustic songs. The release of Mayer’s sophomore album proved he was a musician capable of writing witty; moving lyrics. With more to prove John Mayer became a household name by taking what people didn’t understand about human emotions, combined them with insane guitar riffs, then packed it into a compact disc that could be sold at God’s WAL-MART Superstore; called Continuum.
(Interesting how WAL-MART is in all caps while God has only one capital letter. Even in writing, WAL-MART is bigger than God. You win, Sam Walton. We surrender.)
I believed in that joke/fact, unlike non-believers who spell it god.
If John Mayer’s career stops here; people appreciate the nice boy with the guitar who isn’t on the television gyrating his hips around like some heathen. Why would you ever stop on a dream, especially when it’s going so smoothly?
After a slew of offhand interviews; people took his comments at face value; the artist John Mayer took a hit. The kid with a guitar was losing to the superstar with a need to please everyone including a list of women longer than Bubba’s list to Forrest of things you can do with shrimp. One name on the list Mayer described as sexual napalm. Not a pet name you want to be called at Christmas in front of your parents, but the comment was hilarious and sexy in the media. The comment was about Jessica Simpson, but it didn’t matter who it was because each girl he’d been rumored to be with were as equally attractive as the next and had celebrity that could compete.
John Mayer followed up the interviews with a throat surgery, silence, and an album called Born and Raised.
His next studio albums took some heat because they weren’t viewed as smash hits even though performing well on the charts. Was John Mayer’s name selling albums and not the music? A superstar ego would have taken a hit, but an artist grows from writing and being honest in their work. It was no longer the kid with a guitar we were growing up with, John Mayer was now an adult with a guitar who grew up.
Not only has the artist John Mayer managed to stay on top of the charts, but he’s back to releasing hits while staying honest to himself.
If you still aren’t satisfied with who/what an artist becomes over their career, take Jay-Z’s advice, want my old shit? Buy my old albums. You can’t disagree with the C.E.O. of the Roc HOVA.
Even though John Mayer failed to respond to my request for a meeting to pitch a line of John Mayerinara sauces; [INSERT STALE JOKE ABOUT INGREDIENTS LEAVING YOUR BODY FEELING LIKE A WONDERLAND] aaaand nailed the pitch.
Happy Birthday to John Mayer. Thanks for staying honest.