I Went All In And Now I Have To Walk Into Barstool HQ In The Same Clothes
I wasn’t kidding when I said I didn’t bring a change of clothes. This was all I brought and now I gotta trudge into Barstool HQ for a half day in the same thing. I usually make it a point to wear my teams gear the day after a loss because you know through thick and thin yada, yada all that bullshit. But, the problem is that I’m walking into a collection of people who are ready to throw eggs at me.
Here are the five people I’m looking forward to seeing the least:
5. KFC
I know what he’s going to do. He’s going to give me a Hello followed by a half ass apology about how it ended for us last night. Then he’s going to try and tell me about how I should join him in his dungeon of hate, and just give up feeling hopeful about anything. It’s not happening, Kevin. If I can’t live in a world where the Bears aren’t back I don’t want to be there.
4. Brett Merriman
I honestly don’t know what team Brett affiliates with, but I threw him in this blog because he seems like the type of guy to make a wise-crack joke. Just a real case of the Monday’s guy when today is in fact a Monday that really sucks.
3. Liz Gonzales
Liz is a Packer fan. I could leave it at that, but she’s also a Packer fan who has had some pretty heavy back and forth with the Chicago guys all season. Her season stunk worse than ours, but I know that’s not going to stop her from shitting down my throat. And even if she does offer an obligatory “I’m sorry” it’s surely to be even more half assed than Kevin’s because I know deep down that she probably has already ordered a Parkey jersey.
2. Young Pageviews
YP – like Liz is a Packer fan. The difference is that YP will surely have a nice big old camera right in my face as soon as I step off that elevator. I’ll have to give my thoughts and responses to whatever he asks, (because that’s the job) and it’s an absolute lock that he’s going to have the biggest smile on his face while he asks me these questions. Let me tell you…I’m absolutely fucking dreading that smile. There’s also a good chance that he bought a live Eagle to attack my ass since he’s into all that nature shit.
1. Dave Portnoy
This is everybody in the company’s #1, right? I don’t see how it can’t be. There is nobody who gets off on our misery more than him. The whole second half he was texting me about what’s going to happen like he’s some Tom Landry Nostradamus about the game of football. The whole year he has been about my videos when the Bears were losing and nowhere to be found when the Bears were winning. He’s going to flip flop on the Bears so fast then tell me how he was rooting for me. I know it, you know it, we all know it. That’s a stone cold lock.
I guess the moral of the story is: Don’t bring Italian beef and a disco ball as your carry-on and personal item.