Things You Can Do In Chicago To Get Over The Bears' Loss
We’re licking wounds today boys and that’s a-okay. The Chicago Bears played a man’s game last night and lost. And now it’s time we face the music and attempt to move on from what is without a doubt the most soul crushing defeat these eyes have witnessed since Moises Alou couldn’t make a goddamn play 15 years ago.
Fortunately, Chicago is a world class city even with 3rd world country murder rates. There’s loads of shit to do in Chicago and most of it revolves around eating and drinking heavily which is perfect because I’m depressed. Nothing beats depression like rapant abuse. So let’s abuse some fun in and around Chicago. Here’s some things you can do to take your mind off the madness:
Go For A Walk Drunk
This is more of an anger management technique that the internet was just DYING to lob at me last night after I went postal on Cody Parkey. You saw it, no need to rehash everything here because I’m moving on. Point is everyone tells me that going for a walk is a big help with cooling your jets and I have to say thats not a bad idea. Even if it’s a cold wet & shitty January Monday, you can still log a few thousand steps and put the bad vibes behind you. Bonus points for bringing a flask and emptying it into your mouth along the way. Some places you can walk: River Walk, Halsted Street from LP/Lakeview to West Loop, Milwaukee Avenue West Town to Bucktown and of course Division Street. At any point in any of those walks, alcohol should be readily available no more than one block from wherever you are. The Bars are open and this is not a time to judge. Go for a walk.
Go To A Museum Drunk
Museums can be pretty cool if they’re not crowded and you’re not a complete asshole and are able to muster even a remote appreciation for other people’s accomplishments. Even more so, you can get drunk at almost all major museums in Chicago if the price is right. Sure that Sam Adams winter lager might run you a bit much in the Field Museum cafeteria, but 5 or 6 of those on an empty stomach will make the Sabertooth Tiger exhibit that much more fascinating. And just think, you’ve already forgot that the reason you’re reading this is because the Bears lost last night and we need to occupy our mind and time. See how successful this is already?
Watch A World Series DVD While Getting Drunk
You’ve got two options to broadly cover the Bears fanbase: ’05 White Sox and ’16 Cubs. The White Sox one is also available on VHS but not blue ray. Extra points if you’re firing up the VCR. In both instances you’ll be reminded of the glory Chicago has experienced and hopefully that conveys some pride. Obviously you can fire up a couple Miller Lites or Old Styles or whatever your domestic of choice is. But that should really be a given because we’re watching Chicago baseball. The two go hand in hand.
Hang Out In Your Basement Drunk
Maybe you can’t get out of bed to look for the DVD. Maybe you don’t like culture or hitting the pavement for a leisurely stroll. That’s okay too. You can just hang in your basement all day with the blinds shut and pretend the outside world doesn’t exist. With that I also recommend having a couple pops to amp up your ability to forget about the outside. You don’t need to participate in society to cope with this loss. Sometimes it helps to do a couple dozen bagel bites and some of the booze you have left over from NYE. Your resolution can go on hold at least for the next week/11.5 months. We have forgetting to do and that starts with making some sacrifices.
Navy Pier Booze Cruise
We did this when Big Cat moved to NYC and it was great because we went out on a boat and got loaded. It was a sad night but a fun night. Lots of parallels between then and now, most of which focus on getting through an emotional experience. This one’s more expensive but if you really want to take in city views in a personal setting with an ample amount of booze on deck, this is a safe bet. Remember to bring a life vest because if you see any Bears fans on the boat you’re probably going to get exponentially more hammered and again that’s okay. This is about coping with defeat. Don’t face the music when you can forget about everything.
Go To A Bar
Last one is probably the most simple. Get a couple of the boys together and go tie one on. Don’t do trivia. Don’t go bowling. Don’t do some stupid wristband package on Southport because Michigan plays tonight or some shit. Go to a legit tavern that’s occupied by regular joes. Go to a place without a kitchen that serves canned beer. They’re a dime a dozen across the city and the exact environment you need to remind yourself that life is really just about having a good time. Even if Cody Parkey and whoever else is rounding up blame ruined your 2019. Even if you don’t have friends. I implore you to go to some neighborhood dive and soak in the locals. Soak in the mystique. Soak in Chicago. There’s a lot to love with or without a Divisional Round playoff game. Do your best to find it but trust me having a couple in you will make it that much easier.
What did I miss? How are you getting over the loss? Carl@barstoolsports.com