Polling Suggests That Many Women Want To Have Sex With Virgins
Last night the Blackhawks forced me to do something I haven’t done in roughly a year…watch the best and most terrible reality show…The Bachelor. Now, in case you have been living under a rock..this guy:
IS A VIRGIN…
Now, whether Colton from The Bachelor is a virgin or not isn’t germain to this discussion here. America is talking about virgins. Virgins are hot in the streets again. Every girl in America wants a piece of Colton’s virgin dick. And according to a scientific poll I conducted last night…45% of women just want to have sex with virgins…period.
Girls are so fucking weird. I understand wanting to be famous for being the Colton virginity-taker. These 548 women want to have sex with regular old virgins. Loser virgins. Loser virgins like this guy…
Hey ladies, this 5’2, pimple-having, plastic head-crew -hair gel-using, white undershirt-wearing ass-face was DESPERATE for sex and I don’t remember anyone lining up to have sex with me. I don’t even remember girls lining up to have conversations with me. Even after I grew 10″ in one year that totally wasn’t awkward at all…
Senior year chief, alternate hockey captain chief…still-a-virgin-Chief. So I guess what I am saying is…what the fuck? Where were all these psycho pervert girls when I was looking to have sex? I think like most virgins not named Tebow or Colton-Bachelor-cry-face, being a virgin and wanting to not be a virgin consumed like 97% of my bandwith. If some girl who had a “virgin fantasy” to free up my brain who knows what I would’ve come up with. I’ve got a big brain, but it was just clouded with teenage hormone virgin shit. So yeah, ladies, next time if you’re thinking “hmm should I have sex with this virgin dink loser?” the answer should be yes. You get the weirdo v-card taking fantasy and the guys get to have a normal functioning brain. And all it cost you was like 75 seconds of your time. Win-win-win.