Reader Emails: Who Wins In A Fight, Coach Q, Ditka Joe Madden, Phil Jackson or Ozzie Guillen?
Welcome back to this week’s mailbag, where you are blessed with the opportunity to enter the brain of me, your slow witted neighborhood White Sox blogger. It is the most boring, depressing time of the year. Sports are non-existent, no offense to Hawks and Bulls fans, and we’re balls deep in like 10″ of snow and the weather is gonna kill us all:
So without further ado, here’s this week’s mailbag:
Hey Dave
Ozzie Guillen, Ditka, Q and a bulls coach of your choice in a fight, who ya got?
Viva and Bear Down
Greg
Hey Greg, thanks for the email. Did you get the part where I said no sports? I’m supposed to be giving you a mainline to my brain. The same slowly functioning brain that has gotten me absolutely nowhere in life. The same brain that can’t chew gum and walk at the same time, the same one that can hardly formulate a sentence without stuttering.
That said I love your question. These are three blue collar, fuck you type dudes who wouldn’t back down from anyone. My natural instinct is to say Ozzie would win. Dude’s from Venezuela and has probably seen some fucked up shit in his life. I don’t think there’s a person on earth he’d back down from. Then again he was a baseball player. Baseball players are kinda soft in general. Football players and hockey players? For sure not. If it’s a Royal Rumble, every man for himself type brawl, I think Q would emerge victorious. Ditka is #ChicagoTough and the biggest of the bunch, but he strikes me as too nice a dude. Ozzie would fight dirty. Q would be the perfect blend of lunatic and dirty in this hypothetical. Oh, Joe Madden and Phil Jackson would run in the opposite direction. In the end it goes like this:
4/5. Jackson and Madden
3. Ditka
2. Ozzie
1. Q
Harold Chicken on a scale from 1-10
Chris Dowell
Harold’s is good, not great IMO. If we’re ranking the chicken joints in Chicago I’m going like this:
5. Harold’s
4. Parson’s
3. Crisp
2. Leghorn
1. The Roost
Always get the Nashville Hot. Doesn’t matter where, just do it. You’ll regret it the next morning but it’s always worth it, every single time.
You always tweet about losing your debit card when out drinking. What adult male uses a debit card for purchases instead of a credit card?
Love all your stuff
Matthew Zielinski
Hey Matthew how about this? Fuck off. You here me? Fuck. Off.
I call all forms of plastic currency debit cards. Sometimes I lose credit cards, other times debit cards, and if it’s the holiday season, sometimes even those gift card debit card things.
I do this because I love a good old fashioned Irish good-bye. For some reason alcohol surpasses my appetite and I will consume drinks on an empty stomach and before I know it I’m looking at Carl across the table and there’s 3 of him. That’s usually my time to dip out. No good-bye, no see ya later. Just order up an uber and GTFO. So, that’s why I lose my shit all the time. I bank with Chase and they used to let you print out debit cards on the spot, which made this move easier. Now they don’t let you do that. You have to wait 5-7 business days to get one. It’s actually kinda nice because you inadvertently budget your entire week out.
Hey Dave,
My dad goes crazy with his snowblower everytime it snows. We’re talking both sides of the street and he even calls neighbors to move their cars so he can clear out all the parking spots. And every year some of the neighbors mark dibs on spots he’s cleared and he gets really pissed about it. So what’s the rule here can you mark dibs on a spot you didn’t clear?
We talked about this on Dog Walk with Eddie (Subscribe and rate the show 5 stars, thanks). I’m too lazy to ever call dibs. I’ll just let me car rot on my street until the snow melts. I legit haven’t touched it in weeks. That said, you’re an asshole if you call dibs, but I also allow it. Just know everyone hates you. If I weren’t so lazy I’d call dibs, but then again… I’m an asshole.
And since we’re doing lists on this grab bag apparently, here are the definitive lists of best dibs items:
3. Parking cone
2. Folding chairs
1. Piano
Love the pod.. I’ve never played football against you. Don’t have a question more of an offer. If you guys ever need some golf stuff, let me know. I’m here in Downers Grove in the Golf business and would love to send some stuff. Let me know where I can send it or if your ever in the area stop by! All gas no brakes
Thanks, John
Yes, We’re always accepting free shit. DM me
Dear WhiteSoxDave,
If given the choice between adding 6 inches to your optimistically stated height of 5’9″ OR adding 6 figures to your net worth, which of those would you prefer, if they could radically happen tomorrow.
– BeefLoaf (Section108)
Dear BeefLoaf,
Well the answer is obviously 6″ to my program height of 5’9″, because if I were 6’3″ I’d be sitting 97 with a hammer curveball, wipe out change up, and would be anchoring the White Sox rotation. So I’d be adding 7 figures to my net worth by default.