MLB News & Notes
Good Morning Good Afternoon And Good Evening Chicago Sports fans. Today is Tuesday January 29th, 2019 and we are just 58 days out from MLB Opening Day. For starters, that’s good news and worthy of marginal excitement on your part.
For me, I need the season to get started so I can escape the evolving claustrophobia that comes with sitting at a kitchen table with WSD, Eddie and Chief morning to evening Monday thru Friday. I’m boxed in and the walls are closing quick.
I need the Clark Street smell. I need panhandlers and ticket scalpers and $1 Ice Mountain water bottles stuffed in my face. I need to be standing momentarily, waiting for signal clearance on the Red Line at Addison with hundreds of other caged animals ready to unleash hell on the neighborhood. Maybe most importantly I need this guy back in business:
Until then I’m going to be holed up on my couch with my extremely warm and friendly dog, crushing UrBal Activ CBD products (new Red Line Radio sponsor nbd btw promo code = REDLINE20 ) and watching the 2016 World Series DVD on repeat. I’m a junkie boys and this is what we call withdrawal season. It fucking sucks. Let’s get to the notes.
This is not an MLB News & Notes blog even though the title says so. That’s on purpose. Last week in Blogger School© I was informed that in order for me to be better at my job, I need to use more appealing headlines. Not me specifically, but everyone. Turns out “more appealing” is a pretty delicate balance between 3 identifying characteristic: clickbait, personal and intriguing. Although don’t be too clickbaity because that’s a bad look. So for those reasons I’m calling this an MLB News & Notes blog because technically this has MLB implications. Even though more specifically it’s just about the Cubs. I am immune to your criticism. Moving on.
The Cubs signed veteran reliever Brad Brach last week to a 1-year $4.35m deal. That’s not a lot of money and chances are you don’t know Brad Brach, but that’s no reason to overlook this move because for the billionth time since Big Cat hired me from a homeless shelter on lower wacker, Theo’s calling the shots.
Slow down on the Theo bashing real quick. I know you’re salty about Yu Darvish and Chatwood and Heyward and the entire 2018 coaching staff. But at the end of the day his premier value is in identifying the guys everyone else is overlooking: Rizzo after hitting .140 as a Rookie, Schwarber as a 4th overall pick, Kyle Hendricks for Ryan Dempster and over 25% of the 2016 bullpen for a 3-month rental of the biggest douchebag in Cubs History:
So before I even drop a word about Brad Brach I don’t want to hear one fucking thing from the anti-Theo peanut gallery. Obviously I’d rather be blogging about Bryce Harper in pinstripes but I’m not. I don’t make the rules I just offer up some witty insightful commentary about how certain MLB GM’s are better at manipulating them than others. Jesus had Peter. Theo has me.
Anyways, Brad Brach is the kind of guy you’re going to watch in May and be like who the fuck is this guy again? even though you’ve never seen him pitch. You’ll say the word “again” to make it seem like you’re familiar with his work but be honest you’re not. In June you’ll be like he’s pretty fuckin good, man. In July you’ll be bragging about his contract to White Sox fans. Come August you’ll be gassed from the first 4 months of the season and slip back into fantasy football mode because you’re a regular person. And then come September when he’s pitching clean 7th innings for a healthy Pedro Stop/Brandon Morrow combo you’re going to be making terrible arguments that the Cubs need to re-sign Brach because he’s shown he can handle the pressure of Wrigley Field as the ticket gates hand out Pepsi sponsored stuffed animals of Clark the Cub.
Brach’s stuff is pretty good with low 90’s heat, a change up and breaking ball. The big thing here is he’s kinda funky with a lot of moving parts to his delivery making it difficult to pick up the ball. Nevermind that though. It’s January 29th. No one gives a fuck. Moving on.
Tom Ricketts Gave Chicago Mayoral Candidate Bill Daley a check for $25,000 recently which means you can go ahead and pencil him in as the 45th Mayor of Chicago. This is important because Tom Ricketts doesn’t lose on investments. Tom Ricketts gets ROI. So for what it’s worth read the tea leaves and take the Susana Mendoza sign off your front lawn you’re embarrassing your neighbors.
More importantly, this could go a long way for the Cubs financially if Bill Daley gets elected. They already fork over more money than any professional sports team to their host city. The Cubs pay amusement taxes, luxury taxes, taxes for being taxed in the first place. Nothing is off limits and if you think that doesn’t impact cash flow and budgets and, quite simply, the fan experience then you are a certified dumb dumb. Even so thanks for reading this blog.