Today Is A Beautiful Day Because The Knicks Have The Worst Record In The NBA!
HIT THE MOTHERFUCKING MUSIC!!!
While everyone is losing their minds about an Anthony Davis trade that probably won’t happen or that northern cities are #cold during January, the Knicks quietly sunk to the bottom of the NBA like a stone last night thanks to the Cavs winning TWO games in a row a day after the Knicks extended their losing streak to double digits. Cleveland has been a worthy adversary during this stretch and we have not heard the last from the Suns or the Bulls, who both seem committed to try to lose as many games as possible. But as ashamed as I am to say it (if I could even feel shame anymore), this is the most excited I’ve been as a Knicks fan in forever. I have already convinced myself that Kevin Durant is coming to New York because my dumb Knicks fan brain does this with every big free agent that could sign here, the Knicks are at least being mentioned as a spot where Anthony Davis could land since they have a broken unicorn that could be dealt along with some other pieces, and of course what looks like it will be a high lottery pick in a draft with multiple potential franchise players.
Yes I realize that the NBA changed the lottery rules this year to make finishing in last place not as valuable to winning the lottery. The Knicks getting fucked over by that tweak the year they actually decide to tank would be peak Knicks. I also understand that Dan Gilbert’s bowtie wearing son still wields that black magic that allowed the Cavs to pick first in pretty much every draft the Cavs have had without LeBron on their team. And you can never discount Robert Sarver’s ability to build a loser in Phoenix.
Source: This wonderful old lady
But I’m not going to allow that to bring me down. I need the Knicks to lose as many games as possible because I know they are going to go on a winning streak, most likely at the end of the season as the lottery order really starts to solidify and they will somehow beat a bunch of teams actually playing for playoff positioning because that’s been their M.O. the last few years. However I am going to believe that this year is different. I believe that Tim Hardaway Jr. will continue to miss switches at the end of games. I believe that Iso Zo will go for his bucket instead of the extra pass. I believe that Enes Kanter will continue to mope on the bench and gripe in the locker room about playing time. I believe that Frank Ntilikina is saving his offensive break out for next season when we will need it on our #superteam. And I believe that Coach Fiz will keep pushing all the right buttons that makes the games fun to watch while also making sure the tank continues to cruise on the road to Zion.
P.S. I just realized that the headline to this blog rhymes. Shout out Clyde Frazier for spitting more rhymes than Mother Goose over the years and making that shit second nature.
P.P.S. I played the Tankathon lottery once because I will lose my mind if I play it multiple times and these were the results.
Fuuuuuuuuuuck. I may sit in an actual electric chair during this year’s lottery and just flip the switch if we get fucked. These next four months are going to be hell.
P.P.P.S. I am lowkey sick of tank puns and gifs. I need someone to come up with a better word for teams shitting the bed for good players, preferably not shitting the bed because those pictures would be even worse.
P.P.P.P.S. I don’t think anybody has ever done four P.S.’s before. I just wanted to be the first to do it while also seeing if Barstool’s technology could handle it.