Wishing Someone A "Happy Super Bowl" Is The Most American Thing You Can Do
Just wanted to drop in and tell a quick story about a wonderful scene I just watched unfold. I ordered food for my 3.5 person Super Bowl party from a local place called NO FREE ADS. Truth be told, I don’t usually order food the day of The Big Game™ because I usually make some pigs in a blanket, eat whatever everyone else brought to the party, and will snack my dick off. But since I am off the carbs as I crush the keto diet and won’t be going to any parties because kids have ruined my life, I decided to treat myself by getting some takeout.
However, I learned very quickly just how jam packed restaurants are on Super Bowl Sunday as kickoff approaches. There were people jam packed at the bar, the dining room was closed just for pickup orders, and waitresses were running around like their hair was on fire. Everything was pure CHAOS. But the one thing that stuck out was just how calm and easygoing everybody was. People politely waiting their turn, nobody upset about being forgotten about, and just a happy vibe topped with people wishing strangers a “Happy Super Bowl” as they exited the restaurant. It was like watching the happy ending of every holiday movie ever. You know how nobody gives a fuck about how cold and shitty December can be because they are in the Christmas spirit? That’s what it felt like in that restaurant today with “Happy Super Bowl” replacing “Merry Christmas” (or “Happy Holidays” if you are a nerd). Sure it sounds a little corny if you aren’t there. But I guarantee George Washington teared up a bit while watching that peaceful scene unfold from his cloud up in heaven. That’s why you cross the Delaware in the dead of winter. Because you believe in creating the greatest country in the history of mankind that also created the greatest sport in the history of mankind and a holiday centered around eating, drinking, gambling, and football. If you trace back all the good moments to our first President, George Washington technically has the greatest coaching tree ever created. And for that, I am proud to be an American.
Sorry for the random blog, but I just had to share a beautiful moment with you guys before the result of this game divides Barstool yet again. Here is a gif of the infamous #Nipplegate for your click.
Happy Super Bowl everybody!!! I love you guys and this day so much. But still, fuck Goodell.
Oh yeah and if you want to make some easy money, I officially predict that Bill Belichick is going to flip the script on Sean McVay, Johnny Hekker, and John Fassel by calling a fake punt during the Super Bowl. #Clemstradamus