Times Square Cookie Monster Arrested For Assaulting 2 Year Old Boy During Altercation Over $2

NYDN - A costumed creep dressed as Cookie Monster was arrested Sunday after he shoved a 2-year-old boy during a crazed confrontation with the tot’s mom in Times Square, cops said. Osvaldo Quiroz-Lopez posed for a photo with the child about 3:20 p.m. and then demanded the mother cough up $2, police said. The mother refused, causing Quiroz-Lopez, 33, to behave monstrously, cops said. Police charged him with assault and endangering the welfare of a child.

A tradition unlike any other here at Barstool New York! Reporting on the Times Square cartoon characters who assault women and children. Right now they’re one man short of a starting 5 of felony beggars:

Starting Point Guard and Team Captain – Anti Semitic Elmo – MVP of the cartoon panhandlers. His alias is “Adam Sandler.” He hates Jews. Has a deep dark past involving a Cambodian porn site called “Welcome To Rape Camp”.  He’s the gold standard for sexually depraved cartoon costume beggars.

Shooting Guard – Times Square Spider Man – Punched a 45 year old woman in the face and claimed it was self defense. In Spidey’s defense, they did throw snowballs at him.

Small Forward – Times Square Mario – Groped a 60 year old woman by grabbing her thigh as she walked by. What you gotta love about Super Mario is that he just creeps for the sake of creeping. For the love of the game. There was no dispute. No complaint about not receiving a tip. Just wanted to rub the inner thigh of a senior citizen. Thats creeping that you can’t teach. You can’t buy that at Wawa.

Power Forward – Times Square Cookie Monster – Assaulting a 2 year old is a new low as far as Times Square cartoons are concerned. Punch women, Sexually assaulting grandmas – none of it is exactly classy. But shoving a 2 year old because his mom didn’t pony up the 2 bucks for a Cookie Monster photograph is low. Even Spider Man had the courtesy to punch the mother in the face. I understand the child is the one who actually got to take the picture, but you can’t go shoving him. Gotta assault the mother.

So all they’re missing is a big man in the center. And the only reason I didn’t start Cookie Monster at center is because I got a feeling Big Bird has some rape/assault in him. I’m not even sure if there currently is a Times Square Big Bird. But I promise you – at some point along the way, there will be a Big Bird in Times Square and he will touch a woman or child inappropriately. At that point they will have an unstoppable starting 5. Their powers will combined like Captain Planet and give birth to some sort of unstoppable juggernaut of animated rape.