Pheromone Parties Are The Newest Way To Get Laid
Daily Mail – If online or speed dating isn’t getting you anywhere, a whiffy new type of match-making could help you sniff out love. Hugely popular in the U.S. and touted to come here soon, so-called ‘pheromone parties’ have arisen thanks to research that suggests that, like animals, humans are subliminally drawn to pheromones (hormones we exude through our skin) given out by the people with whom we’re most compatible. Paying singletons are given a plain white T-shirt that they sleep in for three consecutive nights (it’s recommended they don’t use deodorant to let their ‘true smell’ shine through, and avoid eating garlic or onions). The T-shirt is then put in a zip-lock bag and placed on a table at the party. Guests sniff the T-shirts and once they find one they like, a photographer snaps them holding the bag and projects it on to a screen so the shirt’s owner can meet their odour’s admirer, then flirt in the normal manner. Unsurprisingly, drinks are also provided.
So let me get this straight – I give you a stinky shirt that I’ve worn for 3 days. Some bitch sniffs it. Then we go out and fuck? Shit man, where was this when I was single? This is straight up fish in a fucking barrel, folks. Because its science. By the time you actually meet this girl and start talking to her, she’s convinced that you and her are a physiological match. A biochemical lock to fall in love. Even if her head and her heart are telling her you’re a creepy loser, her nostrils are telling her that you’re a catch. And apparently in the 21st century the quickest way to a chick’s pussy is through her nostrils.
Can you imagine what its like for 60 year old dudes looking at the way guys chase after pussy these days? Back when they were coming up they had like one option. Be popular and have a car so you can do to the drive in or some shit. I don’t even know how they got laid back then. Now we’ve got texting and facebook and apps and online dating and dudes are getting fucked because chicks are so desperate they are willing to bang a guy based on how his pajamas smell. Crazy. Chicks might as well just embrace the world of glory holes at this point. Just fuck and suck completely random dicks. They are like one step away as it is.