There Are Two Types Of People In The World. People Who Want To See Joe Thornton Win The Stanley Cup, And Scumbags
There are 4 teams left playing in the Stanley Cup Playoffs and they might be the most random conference championship matchups imaginable from the start of the playoffs. We’ve got the Boston Bruins who are the villains of the playoffs and should probably have at least 8 players suspended right now. We’ve got the Carolina Hurricanes who have only made it to the Stanley Cup Playoffs 4 times in their organization’s history but have advanced to the conference finals in all 4 of those appearances. We’ve got the St. Louis Blues who were in dead last place in the league at one point this season. And then we’ve got Jumbo Joe and the San Jose Sharks.
It has been one of the most mind numbingly stupid Stanley Cup Playoffs that I can remember but it will all be worth it if Jumbo gets those greasy mitts of his on Lord Stanley’s Cup after 8 more wins.
And that’s all hockey fans should care about right now. If you’re not rooting for Joe Thornton to close out his career with the Stanley Cup in his hands, then you are the scum of the Earth. I mean you just look at what Joe Thornton has been doing to get to this point. The man consistently took pay cuts to stay with San Jose and allow them to put together a lineup that consisted of him, Joe Pavelski, Logan Couture, Brent Burns, Erik Karlsson and Evander Kane. Then you look at the fact that Joe Thornton has pretty much been playing on two busted ACLs for the past decade. His body is pretty much held together by duct tape right now, he doesn’t give a shit about the money, all he wants is to win. He was close in 2016 and played in the Final for the first time in his career, but that little fucking prick Sidney Crosby decided to ruin the moment for him.
So now here he is in the Western Conference Finals again. He’s 4 more wins away from getting to the Stanley Cup Final for the 2nd time and he’s 8 more wins away from hoisting that shit over his head for the first time in his life. You’d have to be the biggest sack of shit to root against that.
Just picture this–it’s game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final. The score is 4-4 and it’s heading to overtime. Joe Thornton already has an assistant and a hat trick on the night. And then on his first shift of overtime, Jumbo lights the lamp for his 4th goal of the night. The San Jose Sharks are Stanley Cup Champions and Joe Thornton whips his dick out right there at center ice. Just stroking it. He then lifts the Stanley Cup over his head for the first time in his 39 years of living, and then skates off into the sunset. If you don’t want to see that then you don’t deserve to call yourself a hockey fan.