UPDATE: The 900-Lb Defendant Who Had to Have a Hole Cut in His House is Taken to a Hospital
Yesterday I wrote about one of my favorite kinds of news stories, the kind in which authorities have to remove part of a house in order to remove someone who’s gotten too fat for doors built for humans. In this case, it was a Virginia judge approving a motion to have hole cut in the mobile home of one Kenneth T. Hicks, to allow this beautiful, majestic, 900 pound planetoid to come to court to face charges of cocaine conspiracy.
Happily, they managed to extricate Hicks from his trailer, in an operation that must’ve been like doing a C-section on a Brachiosaurus. Sadly, they couldn’t get him to court:
A hearing scheduled in Virginia in a cocaine conspiracy case has been delayed after the 900-pound defendant had to be taken to the hospital. …
The Richmond Times-Dispatch reports that Novak revoked Hicks’ bond and directed that for Hicks’ own safety and dignity — he cannot wear clothing — that he appear in the loading dock of a courthouse for proceedings. It is expected that he will arrive via ambulance.
According to the newspaper, after he left his home in Emporia, Hicks was taken to VCU Medical Center in Richmond for an unspecified issue.
OK, I’m no doctor. But if I can make a layman’s opinion, I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest that unspecified issue is he’s 900 pounds. A very chubby, greasy and gravy-stained limb. Yeah, I’m just going to offer the prognosis that maybe the fact his cholesterol is equal to James Holzhauer’s “Jeopardy!” winnings is the problem here.
And this illustrates a point I’ve been saying for at least 10 years now. That certain professions in this country have become baby sitters for the whole rest of the world. Nurses. Doctors. EMTs. Fire fighters. Cops. Court personnel. The rest of the world has the luxury of hearing “Hey, we’ve got a guy who’s the size of a congressional district but he needs to get to court for his drug crimes. What should we do?”, answer “Damned if I know. Let him die? It shouldn’t take long,” and be on their way. Not their concern. But someone has to actually work that problem and find a solution. And invariably, that’s your First Responders and your hospital staff.
Do I need to mention that business about how Hicks “cannot wear clothing”? Somebody has to actually address that situation. Somebody has to solve the problem of his “dignity” as part of their job. Somebody has to take a naked, hippo-sized man, with enough skin to cover a house being bug bombed for termites, and get him into an ambulance, out of an ambulance, into bed, out of bed, into a bathroom and *shudder* out of a bathroom. Not to mention give him a medical exam and a bathe him.
Just keep that in mind next time you deal with one of these professionals or find yourself hating your own job. Every day you or I get to not have to look at a naked 900 person is a day that is truly blessed.