Asian Bro Claims The Masturbation Diet Helps Him Lose Weight
Kotaku - The Subway diet. The cabbage soup diet. The junk food diet. From Atkins to the Zone, there is an array of diets to help people slim down. Have you heard of the masturbation diet? You know, the one in which you drop pounds by playing with yourself furiously. According to Nikkan Spa, a 28 year-old with the alias “Yuichi Ito” was able to lose nearly 9 pounds in two months, simply through watching his diet and flogging his log between three and five times a day. (Supposedly, Ito’s record was seven times in a single day.) While in high school, Ito played baseball, but gained weight after he graduated. The 5 foot 5 inch Ito ballooned to 167 pounds, which would be considered overweight by Japanese standards. Ito decided that a good way to drop the excess pounds was to cut calories and have more sex. With himself. “I read online that pleasuring oneself was the same as running 200 meters,” said Ito. “Without a girlfriend, the only way I could become thin was through masturbation!”
9 pounds in 2 months bro? Thats like nothing. You just like beating your dick into submission several times a day. And I, most certainly, cannot hate on that. But don’t hide behind the guise of dieting. You gotta drop at least like 20 pounds before I think theres a correlation between jerking off every 2 hours and weight loss. And spare me the dog and pony show about pleasuring yourself equaling 200 meters. I mean, sure, every now and then you find yourself a 35 minute porno and you hop into bed and basically make love to yourself. That can most definitely be a little bit of a cardio work out. But my sessions are usually like a Shuttle Run or like 15 seconds of Lane Slides. I end up out of breath and my heart is racing but I most certainly did not burn as many calories as a 200 meter sprint.