Happy Festivus Everyone! Let Us Commence With The Airing Of Barstool Grievances...

 

 
December 23rd baby. HAPPY FESTIVUS!!! No other fake Holiday deserves to be real than Frank Costanza’s yearly dick to the face of commercialism. What better way than to kind of make it happen here at Barstool? Come, children. Let’s gather around the fire and aluminum pole and celebrate Festivus the way TV intended.
 
Airing Of Barstool Grievances (Obviously in jest. I think.):
 
Nate: I’d like to put you on a leash and walk you around this weekend during the Eagles/Skins tailgate as a lark if it didn’t probably get you off. Boom.
 
Feits: Am ashamed to say I would prefer your tits over the ones on most girls I’ve been with.
 
KFC: Will grant ye pity because of the new future Smokeshow (17 years, 11 months, 2 weeks!) but still realize there’s only about a year of Grubhub fun left before the diabetes hacks off a limb.
 
Kmarko: Take a weekend off bro because it’s making everyone else look bad.
 
Spags: Your father still would be proud of you if he stuck around. (OK, that one I legitimately still feel bad over a year later).
 
Big Cat: See KFC’s latter grievance but deduct a solid 11 months.

Clem: I had something to say but I couldn’t tell which chin to direct it to. Would’ve gotten ricocheted off the 4th one, anyways.

Jordie:

 
Trent: There’s no salads to be mixed in over there in real America?
 
Hank: You think like Floyd Maywheather reads.
 
Pres: No matter what I say here it doesn’t matter because it would be responded with the shoulder hurts. In response I’d toss you a quarter to call someone who cares but it would only be pocketed anyways. I guess I can just let Clark W. Griswold express my sentiments (Again, kidding. I think. It would be easy to confirm that if there were health insurance to back it up.):
  

Feats Of Strength:

Pres would get the call out, but he’s still crawling his way after getting put 6ft under at Foxborogh:

So I guess it falls on Sir Eric Nathan this weekend to defend his and his Skins honor. 3 point stance. Mano y Mano. Can’t wait to bundle that Lil’ Queef into a pretzel. There’s no holding back a la Dallas week vs. that Slot Jockey. This is for the Division and/or America.

May the Festivus be with you all, and to all a goodnight.
 
PS – Didn’t Kruger shoot himself in the head or something and still didn’t die in real life? Guy is the definition of incompetence.