Idaho Prosecutor Does What He Can To Keep Streets Clean, Issues Arrest Warrant For 9-Year-Old Gum Thief

POST FALLS, Idaho — An Idaho prosecutor issued an arrest warrant for a 9-year-old boy who failed to show up in court. KHQ-TV reports that the boy from Post Falls is accused of stealing a pack of gum. Police Chief Scott Haug says it’s the first time in his 30 years in law enforcement that he’s ever seen an arrest warrant for someone that young. Haug says the child missed court because relatives had no way of getting him to the courthouse. Kootenai County prosecutor Barry McHugh says the warrant was issued because the boy twice failed to appear. He says he can’t comment further because the case involves someone younger than 18.

Listen up, ya little snot-nosed brat. You wanna act like a big boy, you’re gonna get treated like a big boy. We can’t just let 4th graders running around wild stealing $1.50 packs of gum at will. Before you know it, the entire gum-based economy of Post Falls, Idaho will be in shambles. It’ll look like Russia over there. These elementary thugs are running rampant in the otherwise pleasant streets of Idaho, and it’s about time someone has the courage to stand up to these punks. I gotta be honest though, if some little 9-year-old shithead failed to appear at court twice on me, I’d be a little frustrated too. Just getting played by a tyke who’s making a mockery out of the whole judicial system. I respect his hustle, but can see where this most likely depressed and divorced county prosecutor lost his cool.

Imagine how many hand holds this kid probably gets during recess. The kid is an absolute savage. He’s been locked up before. He’s a felon. And now there’s a warrant out there for his arrest. Chicks dig bad boys, and this little guy might be the baddest of the bunch. Probably even brings in soda for lunch even though you’re not really allowed to.

P.S. – The only pack of gum that’s worthy of going to jail over is Bubblicious Carnival Cotton Candy. End of story.