Throwing A Snake At Someone To Hijack Their Car May Be The Savviest Move I Have Ever Heard

NY Post- A South Carolina woman hurled a live snake into a car to scare off the driver, and then took the vehicle on a wild ride until cops arrested her, authorities said.

Hilmary Moreno-Berrios, 29, allegedly swung wooden sticks at the unnamed female driver and then tossed a black snake at her in an attempt to steal the woman’s silver Honda CR-V in Greenville on Friday night, according to cops. Moreno-Berrios took the SUV from the victim and sped off — with the snake along for the ride.

When I heard about this story, I wanted to stand on a soapbox to help me climb onto my high horse and scream at this woman for being a fucking psycho. But you know what? I can’t do it. I have to tip my cap to her for (allegedly) being able to steal a goddamn automobile by using nothing but a living creature you can pick up on the side of the road. No need for guns or knives or the threat of violence. Just a snake. Those slithering sons of bitches may be creepy, but I don’t think there are any laws against throwing one.

As a proud driver of a CR-V, I can assure you I would not fight for my car if some kook threw a snake into it. Once that snake hit the seat, I would exit the car immediately because that snake now owns that car and everything inside of it, including any of my kids that may be buckled into their carseats at the time. You know why? Because there are two things you don’t fuck with in life. Snakes and Snake People.

That being said, this lady can fuck all the way off for the way she drove that car after her and Damian (allegedly) stole it.

If you are a weirdo snake person, that’s your problem. But if you are a reckless driver snake person, you are everybody’s problem and I rebuke you.

P.S. It’s crazy that this story isn’t the craziest blog I’ve written about a snake and a stole car in the last 24 hours.

And what’s crazier is that neither of those stories took place in Florida.