Update: Team Portnoy Member Bryce Harper Raised His Average 3 Points Since Today’s Pizza Review

Suck on that, Dodgers fans. He shut you guys the hellllll up. And egg on my face as well. When you’re beat, you’re beat. I will take my beating. I’m man enough. When someone steps into the bright lights of the big city and rises to the occasion in prime time, you gotta just tip your cap. Chanting “overrated” at Bryce Harper? Yeah, in your bra. He raised his average 3 points right in your dumb, LA Dodgers faces tonight. Do you think players who hit .254 on July 15th just grow on trees? Spoiler alert: they do not.

Other numbers from tonight’s game:

How many is that?

And how many runs did the Phillies score?

And how many more years are left on that contract?

And how many millions of dollars are they paying him?

I highly considered pasting that picture 165 times but I doubt our backend technology can handle it. It’s $330 million. Natey Numbers just here to inform.