The Patriots Have Their Own Section on Wikipedia's 'Conspiracy Theories' Page

I’ve said before, I like a good conspiracy theory. It should be obvious if you read enough of my nonsense here. UFO coverups. Powerful interests taking out Jeffrey Epstein. Bigfoot sightings, and so on. And by “good” conspiracy theories, I’m talking about plausible ones with just the right amount of healthy, “X-Files” style intellectual skepticism. And with none of the viciousness of those future residents of the inner circle of Hell who say things like 9/11 was an inside job and Sandy Hook was a false flag operation to take your guns. Because fuck those people with Satan’s pitchfork.

And so it was that I was happy to visit my source for all reliable information, the Conspiracy Theory page on Wikipedia.

All the hits of the past couple of centuries are there. The Illuminati. Assassinations. Flat Earth. Fluoridation of water. Anti-vaxxers. Suppression of the car engine that will take you around the moon and back on a gallon of used french fry oil or whatever. A dozen headings in all, some with a dozen subheads.

And under “Sports,” it lists exact six. Rigged boxing matches. The disappearance of the racehorse Shergar in 1983. The famous Frozen Envelope at the 1985 NBA Draft Lottery. And my personal favorite, this little gem:

The New England Patriots have also been involved in numerous conspiracy theories. During their AFC Championship 24–20 victory over the Jacksonville Jaguars, several conspiracy theories spread stating that the referees helped the Patriots advance to Super Bowl LII. However, sports analyst Stephen A. Smith stated the Jaguars were not robbed, but that they had no one to blame but themselves for the loss. There were also conspiracy theories regarding the Super Bowl LI matchup between the Patriots and the Atlanta Falcons stating that the game was rigged while others said the Falcons made questionable play-calls at the end of the game that resulted in them blowing a 28-3 lead.

Which includes a link to yet another page, “Controversies,” found at the bottom of the Patriots page. Which is actually disappointing in that it only delves into Spygate and Deflategate. Which is like reading a summary of the SparkNotes of the Cliff Notes of all the insidious, nefarious plots the Patriots have been a part of in this century. But maybe someone will update it in the name of knowledge. It won’t be me.

Still, this is quite an honor. I’d say that of all the accolades that have been thrown this team’s way for the last 20 years – they’ve been called a Dynasty, model franchise, gold standard, Cheatriots, arrogant, lucky, “assholes” (courtesy of Mike Tomlin), “fuckers,” (Terrell Suggs) – this might possibly be the biggest compliment of them all. When you’ve achieved the high honor of a section of the world’s most turned-to source for unverified information, you know you’ve made it. You’ve created a Derangement Syndrome  so powerful, that people will include your success on the football field among such legendary conspiracy theories as the fake Moon Landings, Chemtrails and New World Order (not the wrestling team) controlling the world’s banking system from an underground city hidden beneath the Denver airport.

How many teams get to say that? No one was saying the great teams of the Yankees, Candiens or Celtics were secretly manipulating their leagues to win championships. Only one Dynasty stands alone when it comes to producing this level of uncontrolled hysteria. And they call us paranoid for thinking people are out to get the Patriots.  When here’s all the proof you need.

[h/t r/Patriots]