Dear Sandwich Shop Community
I’d like to first state I have an enormous amount of respect for the sandwich shop employee community. They work hard, they get slammed for lunch around noon and still crank out the goods, daily. I can’t imagine people get rich working at these spots yet they still show up day after day making quality sandwiches for their customers.
With that being said, there is always someone who does just enough to not get fired at every sandwich shop. Not every employee has a heart and cares about the customer. You can easily tell who wants us all to fuck off. He’s the dude who cuts your sandwich in half and doesn’t make a clean, crisp, full cut. He’s the type to quit in the 4th quarter. he’s the “That’s not my job” kinda guy. This man knows he’s ruining possibly hundreds of sandwiches a year and he just doesn’t give a flying fuck.
If you’re having a hard time understanding where this fucko is half-stepping, If you just can’t wrap your head around the concept I’m laying out, I’ve taken the liberty of meticulously crafting a real-life rendering of this situation.
It might be one of the largest “No big deal” big deals of a lifetime. Last thing anyone needs is problems on their lunch break. The whole day is likey a problem. Lots of folks look to lunch as the saving grace of the day at a job they don’t like. For all those people who suffer from this situation, I’d like to share with the sandwich guy who knowingly isn’t cutting sub sandwiches in half fully… We aren’t the enemy, friend. Most of the people you dick over, are you! We don’t make the rules you live by. We are living by them as well, just in our own world. Please don’t take your grievances out on us, buddy. Please, show some heart here, make a clean cut and get this sandwich into two separate halves. We are all on the same side.
In closing I hope my putting this into the universe will 1.) bring larger salaries to those hustling in the sandwich world, and 2.) give those disgruntled, half-assed employees some pride in their craftsmanship, the foresight to be better when it comes to using a knife, and 3.) help them find pride in making sure every sub sandwich is fully cut in half.
Also, Twitter people reminded me this also goes for folks in charge of slicing up pizzas. Ok, that’s all.