Two 12 Year Old's Held Down Their Friend And Stabbed Her 19 Times In Order To Please An Online Mythological Creature

USA Today- Two 12-year-old Wisconsin girls were charged as adults Monday for allegedly stabbing a friend 19 times after acting out bizarre instructions from an Internet site featuring horror stories, authorities said. Morgan Geyser and Anissa Weier are being held for attempted first-degree intentional homicide over the Saturday morning attack in woods in the southeastern Wisconsin city of Waukesha. The unidentified 12-year-old victim was fighting for her life in a hospital Monday, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reported. According to the criminal complaint, one girl held the victim down and the other stabbed her in the torso, legs and arms, intending to kill her to become “proxies” of a character on the site Creepypasta Wiki, which posts short stories “designed to unnerve and shock the reader.”

WHAT.  THE.  FUCK.  Well that’s it, right?  That’s the end.  Pack it up.  Time to shut it down.  And by “it” I of course mean the internet.  We had a pretty good run.  20 years or so?  Not bad.  I’d say streaming porn was easily the best thing we got out of it.  Pretty sure we can all agree on that.  With streaming porn gone were the days of starting a download on Napster or Limewire before school and then coming home and it only being 27% downloaded.  We still got the job done though, didn’t we?  Damn right we did.  Foreplay and a little nipple was all I needed back in those days.  Oh and AIM was dope too.  I had mad game on AIM (and rhyming skills).  GTG, LOL, SMH, BRB, clever away messages and all that shit.  All fun, all good times.  And sure, my current employment and ability to pay rent and live hinges on the existence of the internet.  But I’m gonna make the executive decision and say if we’ve reached the point where 12 year old girls are holding down their friend and stabbing her 19 times in order to please some sort of fucked up online mythological creature I’m willing to go back to what I was doing before Barstool.  We’ve gone too far down the rabbit hole.  I’m not really sure how we get rid of the entire internet?  I’m sure there’s a giant red button somewhere at the White House that just says “Delete Internet”.  Get it done, Obama.  It’s for the best.