My Met Ball Starting 5
So last night was the Met Ball. I still don’t really know what it is. Just a big party where everyone incredibly attractive gets together and drinks unicorn blood cocktails which they stir with gold bars while they laugh at how unfortunate the rest of the world is, I assume. Anyway here’s my list of the 5 hottest chicks last night. Which, in my opinion, is the most accurate because everyone who does “Best Dressed” lists is super gay whereas I’m just suspect.
5. Gwen Stefani – don’t speak, I know just what you’re saying
4. Jessica Alba – Alba will be on this list when she’s old and gray. When the bright lights shine, she turns it on 100% of the time. Defines clutch. Knows when you can’t flash ass in a gown it’s time to cut tit holes. That’s why she’s a 5 tooler.
3. Gisele - if I wasn’t so jealous of her getting to fuck Brady I’d probably be jealous he gets to fuck her
2. Kate Beckinsale – never prayed for a gust of wind more than I am with the first pic. So close to my dream, yet so far
1b. Blake Lively – she looks so hot in that dress even her gay husband would like to fuck her
1a. Tom – Blue jacket, yowza!
PS – could somebody please tell Brooklyn Decker to stop being Nicole Kidman. Lady you’re scarin’ us!