Guy Takes A Dump In A Bag And Lights It On Fire Behind A Police Station But Doesn't Run Away
SEATTLE — A quiet morning at the Seattle Police Department’s East Precinct was interrupted Sunday when officers found a man burning a paper bag full of his own feces behind the building. Officers were finishing up some paperwork at about 11 a.m. when someone alerted them to a fire in the alley outside, according to police. When they went outside to investigate, officers found a man standing next to a burning paper bag in the alley just west of 12th Avenue and Pine Street. After putting out the fire, police began questioning the 31-year-old man who was standing next to it. He quickly admitted to starting the blaze, saying he had “taken a (poop) and was trying to burn the (poop) away,” according to police. The man also pleaded ignorance that it was against the law to burn bags of feces behind police stations.
Love the idea, hate the execution. Police officers obviously serve a great purpose in our society but, just like everybody else in the world, deserve to get a flaming bag of poop thrown on their door step from time to time. It’s a matter of checks and balances (not sure what this means but it sounds good). Watch Billy Madison for me one time, unnamed 31 year old man. Just watch it once and you’ll be a master at lighting a bag of dog poop on fire and leaving it on someone’s door step, or in this case lighting a bag of your own poop on fire and leaving it behind a police station. Billy and his friends pull off the perfect Bag Of Poop On Fire prank. It’s flawless. Like watching the Spurs on offense or a Mariano Rivera cutter. The old guy gets it all over his boots and everything. The type of poop and place are different but it’s the same prank. I mean the biggest mistake this guy made was clearly not running away after lighting the fire. Even if it wasn’t a prank and he was just trying to get rid of some poop, still run. I don’t know much about anything but wherever you light your poop on fire the people within any sort of range are going to be furious. So run away next time. As we say a lot around here, that’s Day 1 stuff.
PS- I’m not sure the guy who did this is “all there” if you follow me. It says in the story that he pleaded ignorance and said he didn’t know it was illegal to light his shit on fire behind a police station. This guy might not be the sharpest tool in the shed. Although I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit behind this computer and judge somebody for using the Costanza “was that wrong?” defense. Worth a shot.