The Cowboys Deserved To Lose To The Vikings After Introducing The Monday Night Football Black Cat In Their Lineup Last Night

The mainstream media has been squawking nonstop about how the Vikings pulled off an upset on the road by breaking down the X's, the O's, the Jimmys, and the Dalvins. However, it turns out last night's game was over before the opening kickoff because they foolishly added that cursed kitty cat to their lineup. Anybody who saw that at the game, should've immediately put the house on the Vikings moneyline.

Black cats aren't rally cats. They are carriers of curses straight from the occult. Willfully throwing one of those jinxes in your lineup is the fastest way to poison your teams own well with bad luck. The Cowboys should have taken the blessing they got from that putrid pussy last week and thanked God/Satan the Giants were the team on the wrong side of the juju ledger. Since that cat hit the field on Monday Night Football, the Giants got outscored 34-9, lost Evan Engram (who made the catch on the play were the cat entered the field), and lost to the Goddamn Jets. Instead, the Cowboys got greedy and tried to mess with black magic like a kid playing with matches. There are certain franchises that I could see successfully dabbling in the dark arts. The Saints are clearly number 1 since they are reside in America's voodoo hotbed of New Orleans. The Patriots are 2 due to their sustained success as well as Bill Belichick and Ernie Adams leaving no stone unturned when it comes to competition. And dead last are the Dallas Cowboys with their gaudy monstrosity of a stadium, pretty boy fans, and good ol' boy owner that claps like this.

That being said, giving the black cat Tony Romo's old number actually kinda makes sense.

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Yes, this is the only thing that can make me feel even slightly better after yesterday's Giants debacle.