The Fact ANYONE Thinks There Are More People Than Chairs In The World Makes Me More Irrationally Angry Than I've Ever Been About Anything
Yesterday Frankie posed this question- are there more people or chairs in the world? At first I think most people instinctually think “people. There sure are a lot of people in the world.” But then you stop and think about it, use a little bit of logic and basic elementary math, and you realize it’s chairs. No, it’s not just chairs. It’s chairs by a long shot. There are so many more chairs in the world than people in the world that if you spend more than 5 minutes thinking it’s people you deserve to die. Harsh, I know, but fair. That’s how many more chairs there are.
How do we arrive at this conclusion? It’s simple- there are 7.6 billion (approximate) people in the world. Now, folks who are on #TeamPeople will say “yeah but what about people in 3rd world countries? They don’t have chairs!”. Which first of all, is unequivocally untrue, and extremely ignorant as well. BUT for the sake of this argument, let’s assume all 3 billion people who live in poverty in the wold have ZERO chairs. Again, extremely untrue, but let’s just use that for the sake of math. That would mean the remaining 4.6 billion people would only need to own an average of a hair over 1.6 chairs each for the chair population to top the people population. And here’s the caveat- THAT’S NOT INCLUDING PUBLIC CHAIRS. That’s not including schools and universities. Not including folding chairs. Not including the chairs in every restaurant in the world. All the Starbucks in the world. All the god damn office buildings in the world. Not including office buildings!!!! There might be more chairs in fucking NYC alone than people in the world. Here’s that in video form in case you need to share the wisdom with the idiots in your life:
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And think about the different types of chairs- lawn chairs, pool chairs, folding chairs, high chairs, recliners, flimsy plastic chairs, it goes on and on and on. I was thinking about Las Vegas last night- there are 200,000 chairs just for slot machines alone. The amount of things that require chairs is unfathomable. And this doesn’t even include every suburban house in America that has 15 dusty folding chairs in the basement in case company comes over. There are chairs stacked in every back room of every building you’ve ever been in. Chairs on chairs on chairs on chairs.
But yet there are people who still think it’s people. I hate those people. I hate them so much. This isn’t an opinion question. It’s a fact question. It has a solid 100% answer and it’s chairs, not people, and you have to be a remoron of the highest order to even consider arguing otherwise.
And I have to re-iterate, there are, in fact, chairs in 3rd world countries. Restaurants too. It’s not like chairs cease to exist when you leave the United States. “But Nate, they sit on the ground in Asia!” Oh do they, you uncultured ding dong brains?
This is in Myanmar, one of the poorest places in the world. A surplus of chairs though!
Chairs piled to the sky in the poorest place on earth! My man is sitting on 3!
So next time you’re at a family function and want to start an argument, or if you are thinking about making things more serious with your girlfriend, ask this question. Give them 5 minutes to reach their conclusion, and if your girlfriend still says “people”, just on to the next. You deserve better than that.