Santa Claus Wants To Do Cocaine With You On This Ugly Christmas Sweater

WGN - Walmart is saying sorry for making available a Christmas sweater with an apparent drug reference.

The sweater featured an image of Santa Claus behind a table with three white lines that look similar to cocaine lines. Below the image is the phrase “Let it snow.” The Global News, a Canadian news organization, first reported the apology.

“These sweaters, sold by a third-party seller on Walmart.ca, do not represent Walmart’s values and have no place on our website,” Walmart said in a statement on Saturday. “We have removed these products from our marketplace. We apologize for any unintended offence this may have caused.”

I have to include the legal mumbo jumbo in there to be clear Walmart isn't selling these, guys. Walmart is just making them available for sale. Huge difference. And it's not a drug reference. Just an apparent drug reference, apparently:

Here's how I'd write the story if I was "In Charge"

Barstool Carl On Walmart vs. Amazon:

Walmart is a really big company. One of the biggest of all time in the Western Hemisphere. Then about 20 years ago some nerd bomb named Jeff Bezos came out of nowhere and created a business model destined to take over the world and, in the process, slowly-but-surely kill Walmart. 

Sensing this pressure, Walmart aggressively adapts its e-business model. Or whatever you want to call it. You know what I mean... Walmart grows the website to compete with Amazon, which means creating a marketplace like exchange where Walmart neither owns or distributes the goods but rather serves as a broker to several parties within a single transaction: buyer, seller, distributer, manufacturer, customer serve, etc. The whole fucking bag is in play here folks. Everyone get's a piece of the action and since Walmart is the one throwing the party and bringing everyone together, they too get in on the deal. 

That's Amazon's bread and butter and they're annihilating Walmart because they basically invented this concept. But Walmart is REALLY fucking big so they get to jump into the competition without much sweat. But deep down Walmart knows it will never win this war. It will take time but they will lose in the long run for one simple reason: Walmart's brand can't sell cocaine sweaters. Just can't do it when you're a good old family from Arkansas. 

Amazon on the other hand? Biggest butt plug distributer in the world AND GROWING. You think they'd slow down over Santa ripping some lines in between houses? 

I mean be realistic for me one time - if there is a Santa, that motherfucker would love cocaine. That's not rocket science and neither is my logic behind why I'm out on Walmart and in on Amazon. Bad boys only.

PS - this beauty is down to $15 in the barstool store