That Little Asshole YouTube Millionaire, Ryan Kaji, Brought Home 26 MILLION DOLLARS In 2019
(source)–YouTube’s highest-paid influencer makes eight figures — and he isn’t even 10 years old yet.
Forbes has named 8-year-old Ryan Kaji as 2019’s best-paid YouTube star. Kaji’s channel Ryan’s World has garnered 23 million subscribers since debuting when he was only 3. The tyke reportedly makes $26 million from it annually, based on Forbes’ pretax and agent-fee earnings estimates.
The channel began in 2015 by featuring “unboxing” videos, in which Kaji unwraps toys on-camera, and has since matured to feature him conducting science experiments. The tot now also has his own toy and clothing lines, a Nickelodeon show and a Hulu deal.
I’ve written about this kid before. I hate his fucking guts. In the past I’ve tried to spin my hate into a legitimate reason. He’s been acccused of defrauding the hardworking American public. Lying to America’s face about the quality of certain toys. In reality though it is pure unadulterated jealousy. The kid is a MULTI millionaire just from opening bullshit toys. He has never known struggle. He doesn’t even have to deal with that actual hard vacuum sealed packaging that you need the jaws of life to open. His mommy does that for him because he is not old enough to handle sharp scissors. He’s 8 and his entire life is financially set. Fuck him.
A funny thing happened though. When I went to pull up a video to insert on this blog I came across this Santa bullshit and realized that the only thing this kid lacks is lack itself. Christmas, when you’re a kid, is the best day of the year. You can’t sleep the night before. You’re putting out cookies and milk for the Big Man, and carrots for his reindeer. That next morning you come down the stairs and there’s presents everywhere and you just go to work hoping Santa read your list, that you’ve been a good boy or girl, and he’s going to come through on that Ninja turtle, or video game, or bike. And he usually did. Fucking Santa, he’s alllllrrrriiiiggghhhttt. We all got to have this emotion
You know who hasn’t experienced this much pure joy? Jews. And…Ryan Kaji. Christmas is a work day for him. He’s gotta be on camera. Doing multiple takes while his parents are probably behind the camera thinking they’re Martin Scorsese so they can claim they were the real reason for his success in court when he inevitably sues them in 2032. “Hold on Ryan, don’t play with it yet, we are going to do a wide angle and pan across the entire living room of the mansion which you bought for us” and he just has to sit there waiting until he hears action to pretend like he’s having fun. He will never experience the joy and magic of Christmas
Ryan Kaji: “Did this one come from Santa and his elves?”
His Mom: “No, it came from your agent and a kid your age in Guangzhou, China. Open the next present. We have to push this content out today”
So this kid may have everything. He has already has more money than everyone reading this blog right now combined. The one thing he’s never had is childhood Christmas joy. $26M can’t buy those memories. Would you trade those Christmas morning memories for $26M? I mean, of course the answer is yes. You’d be a moron not to. $26M buys a lot of therapy and other things to help you cope. This is the only spin I could think of though. Fucking Kaji.