If You Had To Pick One Person To Represent You In Trial By Combat, Who Would It Be?
In honor of the upcoming episode of Game of Thrones where Tyrion will enter into trial by combat and select someone to fight for him, this was a question on the most recent episode of KFC Radio. Big Cat chose Brock Lesnar. Crazy motherfucker who’s huge and knows how to fight MMA style. Aside from just picking something like a Navy SEAL or some shit like this, I decided I’d come up with the best people you’d ever want fighting for your life, from any time period.
5. 2014 Alec Baldwin
Alec Baldwin is the most volatile human on the face of the earth right now. Dude is wound so tight he’s just waiting fucking ERUPT on someone. It’s only a matter of time before he kills someone. Its either gonna be a paparazzo, his own daughter, or whoever he steps into the ring with to fight for my trial. Before the trial goes down I’d have him look at a bunch of Instagram pictures of his daughter flaunting her ass, then I’d quickly have the NYPD try to arrest him as the paparazzi shoves cameras in his faces. Then I’d grab him and throw him in the ring. Like in cockfights when the owners get their birds all fired up to fight. I’m telling you coming off that trio of tests that induce Baldwin Rage I think he could kill anyone with his bare hands.
4. 1998 Ken Shamrock
MMA/UFC background. Incredible WWF wrestler. Master of the ankle lock. More rage and anger than any human could possibly contain. I might even take 2014 Shamrock as well. Dude is the head of personal security. Literally his profession is to make sure his clients stay alive. No doubt that Ken Shamrock would kill someone if he was selected for my Trial By Combat
3. 1986 Lawrence Taylor
I’d feed LT nothing but cocaine for 2 straight weeks. Breakfast lunch and dinner. No hookers until after the combat. Just crank him up to a whole new level of pent up energy and insanity. Send him out there like a crazed dog. I mean he almost killed Joe Theismann by accident during a game. Imagine a coked up LT in his MVP season being told its no holds barred and anything goes? Fatality.
2. Any point in time Bill Romanowski
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I’ll take Romanowski as a rookie, in his prime, after he retired. Fuck I’d probably take Romanowski as like a 13 year old boy to fight for me. The poster child for Roid Rage, he was like Frankenstein’s Monster. Guy lived on oxygen, water, steroids, and anger. Smashed his own teammate in the face with a helmet and broke his face. I’m almost positive he’s probably already murdered someone before, no doubt he could do it again.
1. 1986-1990 Mike Tyson
Iron Mike. The most violent man in sports history. Incredible athlete, no loved ones other than pigeons, manipulated by everyone in his life, mentally fucked up to a spectacular degree. All he knew how to do was hurt people. I honestly think you could give his opponent a broadsword and Mike would still prevail. Too fast, too strong, too Tyson.