Study Says Smelling Farts Is Good For Your Health

The Week – The next time someone at your office lets out a “silent but deadly” emission, maybe you should thank them. A new study at the University of Exeter in England suggests that exposure to hydrogen sulfide — a.k.a. what your body produces as bacteria breaks down food, causing gas — could prevent mitochondria damage. Yep, the implication is what you’re thinking: People are taking the researchto mean that smelling farts could prevent disease and even cancer. The study, published in the Medicinal Chemistry Communications journal, found that hydrogen sulfide gas in rotten eggs and flatulence could be a key factor in treating diseases. “Although hydrogen sulfide gas is well known as a pungent, foul-smelling gas in rotten eggs and flatulence, it is naturally produced in the body and could in fact be a healthcare hero with significant implications for future therapies for a variety of diseases,” Dr. Mark Wood, a professor at the University of Exeter, said in a statement. While hydrogen sulfide gas is harmful in large doses, the study suggests that “a whiff here and there has the power to reduce risks of cancer, strokes, heart attacks, arthritis, and dementia by preserving mitochondria,” Time reports.

First of all this is obvious if we’re talking about your own farts. Everybody loves their own brand. I don’t know about all that cancer curing talk, but smelling your own farts is good for your health because for some reason its just strangely satisfying. You almost get a sense of pride, you know? Or shock. Like whoa what did I have for lunch??? Either way I think it releases serotonin or something. Only time smelling your own farts can be harmful is in the shower. I don’t know what happens in there but there’s some sort of chemical reaction between the methane and the H2O and the soap and the odor is enough to choke a horse. The shower somehow turns your own fart into someone elses fart and can be deadly.

But the real story here is that there are scientists out there who probably went to school for like 23 years and spent about half a million dollars on education and they’re releasing studies that say smelling farts can cure arthritis. Imagine that? Imagine you grew up dreaming of being a scientist who cures cancer or works for NASA and instead you’re stuck in some shitting laboratory having people smell farts and crack their knuckles asking if they feel better and shit? I don’t care what any scientist out there says, anything that comes out of another person’s butt as waste is not good for me and my nose. And there’s just no goddam way farts can stop strokes and heart attacks. I mean give me a fucking break, scientists. Farts are just air-poop, nothing more, noting less.