Science Basically Says Drinking Coffee Means Alcohol Can't Damage Your Liver

SOURCE – There’s now even more good news about drinking coffee, especially if you enjoy a good cocktail every now and then … or more, if we are being really honest. We all know that our liver takes a beating when we drink alcohol. Now, a new study shows that compounds in coffee help to reduce damage and inflammation in the liver. The study, published in the journal of Hepatology, surveyed 27,793 people in between 1999-2010 and found that coffee has some interesting benefits — researchers found that the healthier people who drank coffee had healthier livers. The study explains that coffee intake is inversely proportional to liver enzymes, meaning that the more coffee you drink, the less enzymes you have in your liver. For the record, liver enzymes are bad and often associated with liver damage or inflammation — the kind you get when you have a habit of sipping the sauce.

Suck it liver damage! Looks like I’ll never have to suppress the thought of that future little nuisance in the back of my mind while nursing a hangover ever again. We’re talking about a pretty simple formula: abuse your body with a bunch of alcohol + drink coffee = health. I love it. All the weekend bases are covered: drink irresponsibly at night, followed by chugging coffee and Gatorade all morning (with some shitting, masturbation and naps sprinkled in). It’s a well-respected and long-established Saturday/Sunday routine, and now we’ve got scientific evidence that it’s also the cornerstone of any healthy lifestyle.

I can’t wait to not lie to my doctor next time he asks how many drinks I have per week since I can just follow it up with “but I drink a lot of coffee.” That’ll wipe that smug, disapproving look off his face pretty damn quick. Hey, hope that degree was worth it, doc, because all I did was skim an article on a random Thursday morning and I just doctored your dick off. Now take a knee and rub my nuts so I can get outta here. I’ve gotta run to Honey Dew to grab a cup of my liver meds. @EricBarstool