Why Are There So Many Trampolines In Utah?
We've all got a little too much free time on our hands. I don't care if this 11-year old exists or not, he's asking the tough questions during a tough time in human history. We might not have much time left, so if this is the end for us all we should start finding answers to the questions which have plagued us and fast. First and foremost: Mormons - what's with the bouncing? I don't know who even told this 11-year old that Mormons are addicted to catching some sick air in the privacy of their own backyard. Certainly not a rumor that ever came across my desk. Is this what the next generation is talking about? Like how we all somehow heard that Marilyn Manson had ribs removed to suck his own dick? Now it's just Mormons can't get enough of the 'line life because the youth of today is so extremely online that petty, easy to dispute rumors aren't even cool anymore that they have to resort to oddly specific, non-harmful stereotypes about Utah centric religions? It would appear so because this motherfucker just opened my eyes to an entire world I didn't know existed.
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Before we get back to the trampolines: who the fuck designed this neighborhood? The yard distribution on those cul-de-sacs is pissing me off. Entire vibe of this place gives me the willies. Alright, back to #LineTalk.
Why are there so many goddamn trampolines in this neighborhood? Someone tweeted me that it's 17. I will never count that many trampolines, I don't care if we're in the midst of an international pandemic, I wont do it. So I'll take the internet's word for it. And I'm here to tell you that 17 is simply too many trampolines for one neighborhood. I might go as far to say that's too many for an entire town. I don't think your standard trampoline park comes with more than a baker's dozen. There should never be more tramps in a single neighborhood than there are active blimps in this country at a given time, that feels like a sturdy rule to live by. A trampoline is for the entire neighborhood to enjoy. That's the whole point. It brings all the neighborhood children to one central place for them to shatter their arms. You'd think with how much the people of Utah are accustomed to sharing other things they'd be all in on the community trampoline life. But alas, they're selfish pricks in this aspect of life. And I am confounded by it all.