If Adam Levine Ever Showed Up At My Wedding That Son Of A Bitch Would Need A Bodybag

Ohhhh such a cuuuuuuteeeeee vid, Adam! How adorable! Guess what, dude? You just ruined a million marriages. Look at like all the reactions, so perfectly telling

Every girl is like “Oh fuck that’s right, perfect men exist and I’m settling.” Every guy is like “Oh what the FUCK!” If I’ve got a chick convinced I’m worth a damn the last thing I need is some big reveal to Adam Levine’s perfect 5 o’clock shadow, fire sunglasses and angelic voice. I mean imagine if the situation was reversed? You just got married then a tarp drops and Rihanna is up there dripping sex all over the joint? Brides would make Lawrence Taylor blush with how quickly they broke down and tackled the fuck out of RiRi. Just ain’t fair. From now on the best day of my wife’s life is the time Adam Levine serenaded her and she came all over the dance floor and oh yeah I might’ve been there too but she blacked out in ecstasy so she can’t really remember what else happened that day. No thank you, dude.

PS – Song is HEAT. And, since it wasn’t my wedding, it’s a pretty awesome video too.

PPS – Hello, hello.