Indian Buffalo Racer Smashes Usain Bolt's 100m World Record

Now that all of the mainstream sports have been canceled, my favorite new obsession is Indian Buffalo racing, or Kambala. The sport goes as follows: A pair of buffaloes race on muddy, slushy tracks around 146 metres in length and behind them is a jockey who sprints behind them, attached to both buffaloes by a rope.  

Let me just tell you, if you're into humans that run faster than Usain Bolt with crowd noise that rivals that of the Roman Coliseum, this shit is FOR YOU. It is absolutely ELECTRIC. 

Too bad Vegas hasn't set lines on this baby yet. 

I know what you might be thinking. "Trysta, you ALWAYS exaggerate. Chicken is not 25.99 a pound [hint: it was], and these guys may be fast but no one, NO ONE is faster than Usain Bolt." 

Let's see about that.

Recently, one local Kambala racer, (Srinivas Gowda) and his buffaloes ran 142.5 metres in a blazing 13.62 seconds, setting the record in the sport. That time equates to running a 100m in 9.55 seconds, which, is just slightly FASTER than Bolt's fastest 100m time at 9.58 seconds. 

SAY WHAAAAT??? 

According to a recent Yahoo article, Gowda's Kambala time was fast enough to nab the attention of the Indian Olympic governing body, who later offered him an invitation to try out at the Sports Authority of India in Bangalore.

Amazing. This story is amazing. 

DO IT. 

The one little hiccup to showing the internet how correct I am is that Gowda is completely and utterly uninterested in running track and field.  

"I will not be attending trials at Sports Authority of India. I want to achieve more in Kambala. Kambala and track events are different and those who have done well in one cannot replicate in the other. Many who have achieved in track events have tried Kambala and have not been successful. In Kambala we run on heels whereas in track it is on toes." 

Who knew there were such technical disparities between the two sports? Not me. Somewhere, Phil Knight just went from six to midnight.

So while our king of buffalo racing continues to perfect his craft and not sully his honor by shifting his focus away from this prestigious event, there is a silver lining. We can take great pleasure in knowing that it is possible that we'll see someone beat the time of the "fastest man alive", which is what makes the sport so interesting.

And while the haters might say that his time was perhaps aided by pulling on a rope tied to over a ton of galloping buffalo, I humbly submit that almost every single world record holder in the 100m has been popped for steroids at one time or another, so I call that a draw.

Damn shame Al Davis is dead. Srinivas Gowda on a high 2nd round pick would have made the perfect Raider.