A Chick Puked On Me At A Bar Last Night

Here’s what happened: Went out last night and was standing at the bar. Random girl to my left, my buddy to my right. So we are waiting for our drinks when something wet hit me on the left side of my face. I didn’t react, just assumed someone spilled their drink and a little bit splashed on me, no biggie, it happens. But then my buddy starts freaking out, and I was like yea what was that? He’s like viciously staring at the person next to me so I turn around and this chick is just frothing puke from the mouth. It’s all over her face like a rabid dog, all over the bar, and then I notice hey cool, it’s all over me too. It’s on my face, its down my shirt, it’s in my ear. No gas, I can still feel it in my ear. I’m fairly sure it’s in my ear forever. Then the bartender turned around from making the drinks and I’m fairly sure she just quit right there on the spot. Like fuck this shit, I’m out. It smelled like a poop took a shit and then came out of a fat girl’s mouth. Obviously I wiped it off me the best I could, but it was still embedded in my shirt and in my hat. And what’s a balding guy with a shitty hair cut like me going to do, not wear a hat? Disaster. And just as the icing on the cake, right after that girl started crying and left the bar, before they even had a chance to clean it, this blacked out chick legit puts her hands on the bar, right where that other girl just puked, and is like twerking right all up in the vomit. So I’m cleaning vomit off myself while a girl twerked in it. Maybe the grossest thing I ever saw. So yea, all in all a pretty good little Saturday.

PS: If you want to talk about if there’s ever a good time to be puked on or not, that was the worst timing. About 10 seconds after being puked on– I’m saying I was still picking chunks of pizza out of my shirt– a girl stoolie approached me and started talking to me.  So while trying to clean vomit out of my ear an attractive female stoolie sparked up a convo with me…do you want to guess how that went? It was like a unicorn appeared in the wild and I couldn’t get my camera to turn on. Flustered city. It felt like something straight out of a movie. If you’re that girl and you read this, my bad if I was rude. It wasn’t you, it was me.