Fine, If Dan Bilzerian Wants To Invite Me To One Of His Boat Parties I'll Accept

Alright Fine, if you twist my arm I will come on your boat Dan. Seriously though I hate this guy, going on Instagram to show off how sweet your life is at all times is just about as lame as it gets, but I’m also realistic and I’ll admit that a lot of that hate comes from jealousy. So even if half of this shit is fake and the words “Lets take a selflie for my Instagram account” are said throughout the entire party, it’s still better than any party I’ll ever be at. The closest I come to a boat party is laughing about my fake internet pirate ship on a skype call with 2 other dudes every afternoon. So yes Dan, I will go on your boat if you will have me.

PS
I know this is going to sound pretty delusional but I feel like I would have a shot on this boat. Just play up the fat guy with tits who isn’t really into guns card. Feel like chicks definitely get sick of dude’s with 6 packs and glistening muscles right? And if that didn’t work I would just fake drown like Squints in Sandlot and hope people felt bad for me.

Reality is I’d probably just drink too much beer and eat too many hamburgers/hotdogs and put my shirt back on at like 11:30 am.