Chicago Is Going To Hell In A Hand Basket, Especially Its Small Businesses And Restaurants. But Not To Fear, Mayor Lightfoot Is Conducting A Science Fair To Save Them.

Dante9/29/2020 10:29 PM

Eater - Patio season at Chicago restaurants is in full swing for the time being, but the city’s hospitality industry is keenly aware that these balmy days are numbered and freezing winter temperatures will inevitably return. The pandemic has turned outdoor service from a nice addition into a lifeline for bars and restaurants, as the city has limited the number of diners allowed indoors. In turn, officials will soon attempt to harness Chicagoans’ ingenuity with the Winter Dining Challenge, a contest asking locals to submit ideas to “stimulate and encourage” winter outdoor dining that’s safe for both workers and patrons. Winning ideas are eligible to snag a $5,000 cash prize.
True to form, Twitter users are brimming with helpful suggestions, like opening a restaurant “in the Bean.” Other popular ideas on social media include transparent enclosures like City Winery’s popular “River Domes” and heat lamps — plus blankets and schnapps, a la Denmark.
However, not all chatter has been positive as the city is essentially crowdsourcing for ideas. Many in the service industry are looking for the city to help find more money to help their small businesses instead of turning to bank-sponsored gimmicks.
Some submissions are already available for perusal online. Most are straightforward riffs on some kind of bubble or tent to shield customers from the wintery mix, but a few have suggested repurposing city property in a surprising way: two contributors so far have floated the notion of dining inside city buses.
Solutions should address dine-in, not delivery or carryout, and can integrate ideas related to both the physical space and operations. Innovative types can submit suggestions online through the evening of Tuesday, September 7, when the project will shift into the evaluation phase. Top ideas should be announced September 29. The city is holding the competition in partnership with the Illinois Restaurant Association, BMO Harris Bank, and California-based design firm IDEO.

Giphy Images.

There's been a lot of shit in 2020 that's left Chicagoan's scracthing our heads asking "is this real life?".

A lot of shit.

Giphy Images.

Juicy Smollett, the entire mishandling of Covid (including wasting $66 Million dollars on converting McCormick Center into a giant hospital that was used to treat 38 patients), the rampant hypocrisy from our "leaders", the mishandling of police intervention and lack of preparedness for two sets of riots downtown, the caving into protestor demands to remove monuments of different sorts, and the list goes on and on and on.

Lost in that staggering list of mind-blowing ineptitude, even by Chicago standards, has been the draconian restrictions that Chicago's small businesses, including restaurants, bars, and mom and pop shops have been subject to.

It has been a slow and painful death by a thousand papercuts for many of Chicago's most beloved places. Instead of just throwing in the towel back in April, they fought tooth and nail to hang on when Chicago's Governor and Mayor asked us all to just "flatten the curve" so that we didn't overwhelm our hospitals. As we all know that 14 day request turned into a 9-month mandatory shutdown that has been just too much for many places and operators to overcome.

Institutions like Southport Lanes.

A place that has been around for 98 years. That's 3 generations for you non-math wizards like me.

This place has seen World Wars, every sports team's championship, and the neighborhood it calls home undergo a dozen transformations. But it has been a constant.

Sadly, it won't any longer as its owners just can't do it anymore.

(I seriously expected a full blown classic Carl meltdown when this news dropped)

It’s not market forces and lack of business driving them out just before their 100 year anniversary. It’s forces completely out of their control.

They can't continue to take on more debt, and string employees along, on a week to week basis, all in hopes that the geniuses calling the shots in this state and city allow them the same opportunity to stay afloat that big box storea and other businesses deemed essential are afforded.

What's even more sad, is this is just the tip of the iceberg.

We had one of the best summer's on record weather wise, which allowed many places to survive much longer than they otherwise would have thanks to outdoor dining. That window slams shut this weekend as temps will dip into the 50's and the even colder reality sets in that winter is indeed coming.

But fear not. The Mayor and her crack team have put together an adult science fair to help our small businesses stop the bleeding from catastrophic losses for 3 and what is sure to be 4+ quarters. (Those that haven't folded entirely already that is).

No, this is not a joke.

This is real life.

A couple of weeks ago the City of Chicago rolled out a proposal, asking citizens to help solve the issue they created- "How to help restaurants continue outdoor dining through the outrageously cold Chicago winter."

Tribune -The Winter Design Challenge, announced Tuesday, will run through Sept. 7, and is open to all residents, with three winners to be announced in mid-September. All proposals for in-person outdoor dining must adhere to COVID-19 protocols and guidelines, and designers are asked to consider customers, restaurants workers, construction trade workers and all other jobs associated in making a restaurant tick. The competition is in partnership with IDEO, a global design and consulting firm, BMO Harris Bank and the Illinois Restaurant Association. The winners are also eligible for corporate funded pilot opportunities to apply their ideas.
“While we’ve had to implement restrictions and take hard measures to combat a recent rise in COVID-19 activity, we will continue to ensure our restaurants, bars and businesses have the supports they need to survive during these unprecedented times,” Mayor Lori Lightfoot said in a news release Tuesday. “We are asking our community members to come together and think creatively about how we can make outdoor dining feasible in the winter.”
The hope for this program is to expand on the city’s reopening plans around outdoor dining, which has allowed restaurants to expedite sidewalk permits and repurpose private property, and neighborhoods to close down streets to allow for more outdoor dining space.

Here are some of the ideas proposed. Again, this is real life.

Perfect. Just construct new enclosures out on the sidewalk, buy new or repurpose current furniture, then install new, individual HVAC ductwork to heat the enclosure. Bingo bango done! Not like HVAC is expensive or anything.

Another brilliant plan. More pods, out in the streets, with air already heated from inside, transported into the pods (again, via ductwork). Super economical I'm sure. And with a streets and sanitation program as top notch as Chicago's, its not like you have to worry about the streets and sidewalks being a mess when the snow falls.

These don't look expensive. Plus they look really easy to store once you don't need them anymore. Another great plan.

Here me out on this one… why use Doordash and have food delivered to your home from a restaurant when you can go and eat that same food at a parking garage either in your car or freezing your ass off on the concrete?

Personally, I can't wait for the City to select something like this as it's winner and then try to explain to us how dining inside an enclosed environment outdoors is totally different from dining inside an enclosed environment indoors.

Honestly, I hate sounding like a hater knocking people much smarter than me for taking the time to try to help be apart of the solution. It's just so hard to have any faith whatsoever when it comes to this city anymore.

I genuinely believe, with 100% of my heart, that the people making the calls in all this have absolutely zero clue how difficult it actually is to run a business. Nevermind a small one. Nevermind amidst a mandated shutdown and pandemic.

After all, you are talking about a guy born on third base that think's he hit a triple in JB Pritzker. He was handed the keys to one of his father Donald's kingdoms and $3 billion that came along with it. Surrounded by people who rose the ranks via meritocracy, not nepotism, he steered the ship with their help just enough to think that he could purchase President Obama's vacant Senate seat, then later run for governor and assume one of the biggest state debts ever seen in this country's history.

You're also talking about a Mayor that openly campaigned with no set economic plan or explanation on how to fill an $838 million budget gap.

So we can't be surprised they have no concept of what it's like to run a business you created from nothing. Something you’ve poured your heart, soul, and life into. Something you pushed all your chips into the middle of the table on with no turning back.

They have no concept what it’s like to try to survive on razor-thin margins, and jump from one foot to the next on which bills to pay this month and which can wait til next. (Thank God for net 30) And this is under normal circumstances. Not a pandemic that has the public scared to patronize you and the government working against you. Unlike being a public official in Illinois, as a small business owner, you’re not able to just tax and spend other people’s money to bail yourself out every time.

So, while all these ideas are honorable attempts to "help" restaurants survive the next 6 months, they are total non-starters because nobody that is still surviving right now has the access to capital to afford any of these concepts. And nobody with a brain is taking on the debt to do so if they even have the credit lines to be able to after all this.

And I know what all Chicagoan's are thinking.

"But Dante, they just raised the occupancy restrictions from 25% to 40% yesterday. And they're allowing bars to now be open (under same 40% cap. And everyone can be open until 1am now.)

Yes, I'm aware. It's great and all except for the giant fuckin asterisk they slipped in.

A 50-person limit is still in place indoors, as are six-party caps per table.

This is all smoke and mirrors. Posturing by all parties involved to save their own asses and look like they’re trying to help the little guys.

For arguments purposes, lets say you have an 1,800 square foot space restaurant. capacity is 199.

You've been operating at a 25% cap for the months you've actually been allowed to be open to diners. That's 49 people.

Now, you're allowed to seat 40% of diners OR 50 people max. "Whichever is less" according to the City's press release.

So you're gaining 1 person.

And oh, if you're a monster-sized space, like our friends "Joe's on Weed", and wayyyy bigger than 1,800 square feet? Doesn't matter, same fucking rules apply.

Oh, and your staff count towards that capacity by law.

So the smaller sized places still can’t allow more people because of the six-foot rule as well as the cap. And the big boy sized places still have massive amounts of unused space because of the 50 person cap.

Mind-boggling shit here. There has been zero rhyme or reason to anything since this all began and it continues.

So I guess you can at least tip your cap to these clowns for staying consistent.

So while the Illinois Restaurant Association continues to pat themselves on the back and provide fake assurances to the hard-working average Joe's it represents, they've effectively accomplished nothing besides an increase in hours of operation by 2. Which is a bandaid on a 16-gauge shotgun wound.

Everybody has tried to stay really optimistic and positive through all this for the most part. It's one of my favorite characteristics of midwest people. But there's only so much people can take. And the cracks in the dam are finally starting to show.

Crain's reported two weeks ago that real estate inventory's in two of Chicago's most sought after zip codes are at all time highs right now. A sign that people are getting the fuck out of dodge.
In a year that has seen life disrupted due to COVID and rioting and looting, there are enough homes on the market to fuel a year of sales.
In the 60601 ZIP code, covering Lakeshore East and the northern part of the Loop, there are enough homes on the market to fuel 15 months of sales, according to Crain’s research using Midwest Real Estate Data’s listings. Immediately across the Chicago River in 60611, Streeterville up to Oak Street Beach, there’s 11.5 months worth of inventory on the market.
Matt Laricy, managing partner with Americorp Real Estate, said that in recent weeks, he’s been meeting with five new sellers a day, while he’d usually be seeing one a day in late summer.
“Since the second round of looting, it’s been like the Hoover Dam broke and the water is gushing through,” Laricy said. “My phone does not stop ringing with people who say they love Chicago but they’ve had enough.”

And they're not wrong. Or crazy. Maybe us staying here continuing to put up with tax increase after tax increase and failed promise after failed promise from a revolving door of lackluster politicians are to blame.

As my favorite person maybe ever George Carlin famously quipped, "Garbage in, garbage out."

Politicians don't fall from the sky and come from nowhere. Meaning we get what we vote for. And in the case of Chicago, we had a pathetic 32% of registered voters cast ballots for this last Mayoral race.

I took these pictures driving around Michigan Avenue aka "The Magnificent Mile" and some of it's side streets yesterday. Mind you this is a month and a half now since the second round of looting took place all over the city (Aug 9th). Look at these landmark buildings -

No offense to the lovely city of Detroit, but is this fuckin Chicago or Detroit? If I wanted to live in a city with boarded-up businesses in 90% of downtown I'd move to eastern Michigan. Businesses still haven't taken down the boarding since the second lootings and I don't blame them because they did the first time and it just happened again. And given the leadership in this city there's no telling when the next round will happen so why bother?

Much like umpires who believe fans pay to see them just as much as the players, Illinois' and Chicago's politicians believe they can just continue to feed their constituents shit sandwiches and that we'll say "thank you, may I have another?" Because we love it here so much.

But that's just the thing. People live in Chicago, and put up with the taxes, and the crime, and the incompetence because of what the city provides us that we can't get anywhere else in the world.

A world-class city on a stunning lakefront. World-class restaurant's, literally some of the best in the entire world. A theatre scene second to only New York. A bar and nightlife scene that I would put toe to toe with any in the United States. Two Major League Baseball teams, an NHL team, an NFL, and an NBA team. Proximity to both coasts via two world class airports. And on it goes.

But if none of that is available or accessible, then what the fuck is the point of paying an arm and a leg to live in the city and pay taxes through the nose?

End rant*

p.s. - I present to you by far the best idea to come from the contest -