There's About To Be Some Fucking In England: Couples In 'Established' Relationship That Don't Live Together Are Legally Allowed To Have Sex Again

[Source] - COUPLES who are in "established" relationships but don't live together are allowed to meet up and have sex in England, new Government guidelines have confirmed.

In new rules quietly slipped out under the radar, it confirms that people can don't need to distance from people they've been seeing - but casual bonking is still banned to stop the virus from spreading.

However, the rules do not say what counts as an "established" relationship.

Congrats on all the real and fake orgasms, England! But the real story here is the 'established' relationship rule and the fact that we don't know what counts as that yet. That is going to save some real awkward and lying conversations. Nobody ever wants to have the 'what are we' talk. It never goes well for one person, let alone both. Gotta see how the rules define it though before people count their orgasms (even though, let's be honest, people are still fucking in England). I gotta assume there's no real way to enforce this though, right? Couples can just lie about how long they've been together or even if they are a couple if they get questioned. It's pretty simple there.

I need an analytics guy to come through here in a couple weeks. Give me the amount of phone calls and texts placed and how quickly they happened once this rule came down. Give me how many couples became 'couples' because of this rule. We get stats on everything else in the world, I need to know the stats here. But in the meantime, congrats to all the new and old happy couples. Go meet up and bang.