Chick Arrested For Biting And Attacking Boyfriend Because He Wouldnt Kiss Or Cuddle

Daily Mail – A Florida woman was arrested after she allegedly bit and scratched her boyfriend when he declined to kiss and cuddle with her, according to a police report. Danielle Houle, 39, reportedly attacked her boyfriend Jacob Burns, 42, after her amorous advances were rebuffed during the early hours on May 25 at his Vero Beach home, the Smoking Gun reported. An investigator at the scene of the incident reported seeing dried blood on the collar of Burn’s shirt, scratches on the back of his neck and top of his head and a large bite mark of his upper left arm, which was ‘red, yellow and bruised’, according to the police report. Houle, who at the time of her arrest said she had been drinking when the incident occurred, has been charged with misdemeanor domestic battery. The alleged attack occurred at 2.30am while the pair, who have been dating for approximately one year, were in the living room of the home, the police report said. Burns told an investigator that Houle had attempted to kiss him and when he refused she became angry and began hitting and scratching him before she bit him on his arm. During the alleged attack, Burns stated that he only raised his arms and hands in defense and never struck Houle, according to the police report. He also said he and Burns had both been drinking at the time of the incident. Burns’ sister, who said she witnessed the incident, said Houle had tried to get ‘cuddly’ with her brother before the alleged attack unfolded.

Ladies and gentleman of the jury…I submit one piece of evidence and one piece of evidence only:

“The alleged attack occurred at 2.30am while the pair, who have been dating for approximately one year…”

One year! If you’ve been dating for a full year and you’re still making out and snuggling and kissing and shit, you are absolutely the worst. I mean there is a hard 6 month cut off on that. Maybe 9 months. Once you hit the year mark its absolutely ridiculous to still demand kissing. Kissing, when you really break it down, is absolutely hands down the weirdest thing humans do. There is no stranger behavior than putting your tongue in each other’s mouths. Pressing your lips together and sucking on each others tongues is hands down the most impractical, useless display of affection. If its in the course of foreplay, fine, whatever. Its means to an end. You’re giving a quick hello/goodbye kiss, no big deal. But if your girlfriend still regularly expects you to make out thats simply preposterous. Like just start making out and then stop and dont progress to anything sexual? Why on earth would I do that? Its like Bartolo the other day when he hit a ball in the gap and stopped running at second even though he clearly had a triple. Imagine roping a ball to the wall and you just stop at first? No, thanks. I’d rather just sit in the dugout.

Cuddling I’m not gonna knock. Sometimes a good old spooning session is necessary. But I draw the line at being in a 1 year relationship and being expected to kiss. To be perfectly honest I think I’d rather be attacked by my girlfriend of 1 year than kiss her. Get clawed and bit and scratched. That seems much more appropriate for a relationship of that length.

Bottom line is when you’re with your girlfriend of one year, drunk at 2:30am, you’re either eating pizza or fighting. Thats it.

PS – Picture on the right, would. Picture on the left, still would, but looks like she aged like 20 years.