BREAKING: Steve Cohen Has Closed On His Deal To Buy The New York Mets

UNCLE STEVIE HAS ARRIVED!!!!!!!! I know I have written roughly a zillion blogs about Steve Cohen buying the Mets in less than a year as well as what feels like a million blogs about him actually becoming the new owner of the Mets over the last month or so. But as a longtime fan of The Amazins that has seen wayyyyyyyy too many wins blown in the 9th inning, I knew in the bottom of my soul that nothing was truly official since until Cohen's name was at the bottom of an entire forest worth of paper along with the snake fuck Wilpons and that beautiful man Saul Katz since the Wilpons are the Armando Benitez of baseball owners. 

However, Uncle Stevie is already the greatest closer in Mets history (which admittedly isn't that much of an honor) and the real life Bobby Axelrod has the keys to the New York Metropolitan Baseball Club, the deed to Citi Field, and the hearts of millions of loyal Mets fans literally dying to see a winner, which is easily the biggest transition of power to happen today. I can't believe I am so happy that the Wilpon family just had a cool $2.5 billion added to their bank account in what must be the wildest direct deposit you'll ever see. However, the Wilpons signing away the team the same day the Red Sox successfully pulled off the biggest news dump in the history of news dumps is sweeter baseball poetry than watching a young Jose Reyes leg out a triple.

Now that this sale is complete and we no longer have to worry about something Metsing it up, it's time to start dreaming big of free agent signings, trades, and dare I say meaningful games in OCTOBER under this new regime. 

While we're talking about the future, I think we all have to wonder after today's news out of Boston along with AJ Hinch being hired in Detroit, if we should expect the Mets to re-hire the only manager fired for the Astros cheating scandal that wasn't an actual manager at the time, which was the most Mets thing ever. 

However that was the old Mets. The LOLMets. The Wilpon Mets. These are Steve Cohen's Mets, and if Mr. Cohen wants it to be Carlos Beltran's Mets as well, it will be.

I'll leave the music here just in case.

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Now let's just sit back, relax for the first time in decades, and read this statement over and over until Uncle Stevie starts building that beautiful infrastructure with his unlimited money that I've been dreaming about for months.