The "Philly Cheesesteak Tour" Is A Thing That Exists And It's For Charity So Fatten Up Savages
PhillyMag – If you’re a Philly resident, you might be skeptical of yet another cheesesteak “thing” popping up in the city. But Nina Keyes-Reid, founder of the Philly Cheesesteak Tour, may be on to something. “Our focus is Philly Pride,” Keyes-Reid says. “It’s about Philly food, Philly facts, and Philly fun.” The new tour, which has a second soft-launch on June 28th and an official “grand opening,” so to speak, on July 11th, takes hungry riders to a variety of iconic Philly sightseeing locations and ties in cheesesteaks to tell a unique food-centric story of Philadelphia. Guests are taken to five Philly cheesesteak restaurants, including one vegan option, and are able to sample from each sandwich joint. “The tour’s main stops are at Campo’s, Jim’s, Pat’s, Geno’s, and Govinda’s,” she says. “We have Ishkabibble’s, Steve’s Prince of Steaks, Shanks and John’s Roast Pork as alternatives.” Also, for those who want to get a taste of Philly history but aren’t too crazy about the cheesesteak, other Philly-loved fare, like Tastykakes, soft pretzels, and drinks will be available for tasting, too. Proceeds from the bus tour benefit various local charities that benefit children and families. So far, the tour is contributing to Big Brother’s Big Sisters of Southeast PA and the Boys and Girls Club of Philadelphia. “My goal is to have a ‘Charity of the Month’ to bring awareness to the needs of the children, youth and families of Philadelphia,” adds Keyes-Reid. The tour runs pretty much every Saturday and Sunday starting at 1:15 pm, and costs $69.96 per person. The big cheesesteak bus launches from 1 North Independence Mall, a great place to start off a tour of the city. Tickets and more information can be found here.
Good Lord, 5 cheesesteaks in one day? I’m all for shortening the lifespan via good grub, but there’s gotta be a Surgeon’s General Warning posted on these tour tickets. Anything over 2 cheesesteaks per drunken night is pure savagery. I once ate 3 in a span of 12 hours and didn’t shit for the next three days. No idea how that could happen to a human body. I could literally feel that meat baby sitting in my colon like a pound of rocks just trying to take me down from the inside. When the clog was finally drained it would have made Harry Dunn shrivel in fear. 5 cheesesteaks in a day should kill any warm blooded male. But, hey, it is for charity. At least know it was for a deliciously good cause when you’re battling the meat sweats and Scurvy.
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PS – People have always asked for a cheesesteak review video, which I would love to do, but it wouldn’t be authentic. I’m already dying by the time I’m 35 because of all the meat and cheeze wiz flowing through my veins. Basically I know each spot and could give a review without even taking a bite, so we need an outside influence for the video. I’m thinking either a notable Smoke (Kacie come back to Papa) or do a homeless cheesesteak reviews where we just toss free meat at bums in Center City and get a score. Either/or, we’re probably gonna get slapped or shanked but at least the footage will be gold.
Smitty’s Official Philly Cheesesteak Power Rankings (FUCK Barclay Prime and their $100 cheesesteak I have too much pride and too little money to eat):
-Steve’s Prince Of Steaks (NE)
-Delassandro’s (N 4th st)
-Sonny’s (Olde City, get her with bacon and you’ve died and gone to diabetic heaven) and
-Jim’s (South St.)
-John’s Roast Pork (Snyder Ave, VERY underrated and only open select hours)
-Chubby’s (Henry Ave)
-Pat’s (9th and Passyunk)
-Joe’s (NE, would be ranked 3rd if their name was still Chink’s. Definitely affects the taste for some reason.)
-Shank’s Original (Delaware Ave)
-Geno’s (9th and Passyunk. SPEAK ENGLISH OR DIE)
-Homeless guy slinging mystery meat off of I-95.
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-Tony Luke’s