Official ANUS Index
We're 215 episodes into A New Untold Story with our special Cleveland Episode set to be released on Thursday at dawn. Crazy how time flies, huh? For all the novices who wanted to jump right into the podcast without having to catch up on hundreds of episodes, I figured it would be helpful to provide an index/dictionary for some of the terms/characters/topics we talked about on previous shows. We will be updating this as we progress.
Alive Marcus
Former acquaintance of Nick and KB; unpopular outcast (ANUS Ep. 213)
Apples, The Fruit
Presenting sponsor for ANUS Episode 1; tagline was "Mmm mmm mmm…you gotta get a taste of this apple."
Asian Cody Banks
Nick's Laotian coworker at Talcum in the Middle; got thrush on his palms (ANUS Episode 100)
Simon Birch
A happy 12-year-old boy, despite the fact that his parents pay no attention to him because they're disgusted by his dwarfism.
Donald Blardinelli
Late ANUS producer
Busty Petites
THE predominant petite in 2007; especially popular genre of smut at Nick and KB's grade school
Geno Catalano
Nick's Italian classmate; controversial winner of senior superlative for Least White (ANUS Episode 213)
JC Chasez
Former *NSYNC member; controversial producer/creative controller of ANUS Episode 20
Chest Club
Prestigious extracurricular club at Wheeling Park High School with a particularly rigorous process (xiphoid) to become a member; Nick and James were in it
Child Soldiers
One of the top 5 things in the world that shouldn't exist, according to Nick. "I like kids in school and playing with friends rather than being blown up."
Cream
Umbrella term for all sauces, dips, and condiments
Dangerous Curves
NASCAR themed strip club in Wheeling, WV that specializes in voluptuous women. Home of Whale Earnhardt, Danica Fatrick, Denny's Hamlin, and Blobby Labonte
Diamond Girls
Extracurricular club at Wheeling Park High School; KB was first ever male member (ANUS Episode 109)
Dustin Calmbacher
KB's high school classmate; won senior superlative for Worst Driver posthumously (ANUS Episode 213)
Dead Marcus
Nick's late classmate and tech wiz who jailbroke the Hurricane Simulator at the mall. Died of epileptic episode in Spencer's Gifts while swiping through posters; earned nickname posthumously (ANUS Episode 213)
The Dissection Fair
Annual event at Nick and KB's grade school (ANUS Episode 13)
Fart Sound Effect #7
Sponsor of the ANUS Grease Draft
Faux Bice
Professional Bo Bice impersonator from Wheeling, WV; halftime performer at 2020 ANUS Pork Off
Flat Colossals
Opposite of Busty Petites; didn't become trendy until 2020
James Fleming
Perpetually sick star basketball player at Nick and KB's high school; nicknamed LeBronchitis James (ANUS Ep. 215)
Mr. and Mrs. Fleming
James' dad and mom; nicknamed Post-Optimus Prime after third and final sex reassignment surgery
Mr. Fleming
James' dad
D'wayne Gibbus
KB and Nick's racist, pedophiliac P.E. teacher for 3 and a half weeks in 2006; demanded to be called Wayne
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Spencer Gift
Made a celebrity guest appearance at Dead Marcus's funeral; put fart machine in casket
Grease Draft
Annual event consisting of the two ANUS hosts partaking in a snake draft of films in the Grease series
Daniel Hackbarth
Late producer of ANUS
Carter Huffman
KB's mischievous classmate; banned from McDonald's for using his own fecal matter in Turd Exchange Program
Mr. Hustead
AP History Teacher who gave James a Hall mark on his face
Beyoncé Lackman
Twin sister of Gabriel; widely considered the hottest and most popular girl at Nick and KB's school
Gabe Lackman
Beyoncé less popular fraternal twin brother; hula hooped at recess instead of looking at busty petites with male classmates; won senior superlative Most Likely To Suck Seed
The Line Brothers
Florida and Georgia Line (ANUS Episode 121: The Game Show)
Macrodosing
The action or practice of taking or administering very small amounts of a drug i
Popular drug technique colloquially known as overdosing
Martin Luther King
First podcaster (ANUS Ep. 114)
McFadden Triplets
won senior superlatives for Farthest Eyes, Poorest Parents, and Least Lunch
Ms. McGlumphy
Teacher with mild rhotacism who polled students for senior superlatives; indirectly responsible for KB winning Most Artistic
Matthew McGrory
Late actor with gigantism from Big Fish; world record holder for largest feet, toes, fingers, pelvis, etc.; world's 4th largest penis (ANUS Episode 214)
McTickler
Middle aged man who would camp out in the Wheeling, WV McDonald's PlayPlace on a daily basis and tickle children in the tubes; almost exclusively targeted the soles of their feet; also known as Tube Man or T00BMAN (ANUS Episode 1)
Melty's
Infamous Under 18 dance club in St. Clairsville, Ohio (ANUS Episode 6)
Mrazberries
Nick's signature foreplay technique; pressing your mouth firmly against a woman's chest and scatting, typically in the harmony of a Jason Mraz song
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Original Pringles
JC Chasez's favorite favorite flavor of Pringles
Pair of 'Palegics
The two quads that KB had a short fling with (ANUS Ep. 214)
Phys Ed
KB and Nick's math teacher, Physical Eddie; believed in hands-on learning and taught 7th graders math physically. (ANUS Ep. 213)
Kevin Pittsnogle
Celebrity guest at Melty's on Kevin Pittsnogle Night
Professional Laps Stopwatches
Sponsor of ANUS Episode 6; slogan is "Pro Laps: Never Stop Pushing"
Rascals and Flats
The two types of women (ANUS Episode 101)
Raven Redgrave
Cashier at Spencer's; mutual romantic interest of KB (ANUS Episode 100)
Residue
One of the top 5 things in the world that shouldn't exist, according to KB
Rick Stadtmueller
Late producer of ANUS
Rowe v. Wade
Unaired episode of Dirty Jobs that took place in Wheeling, WV after Hurricane Ivan; featured Mike Rowe teaming up with Panhandle Cleaning & Restoration to clean up fetal matter at the flooded Planned Parenthood on the banks of the Ohio River (ANUS Ep. 215)
Melardia Rowe-Tund
Nick's classmate who won senior superlative for Biggest Splash; Mike Rowe's step niece (ANUS Ep. 213)
Seth
KB's 24 pound pet Maine Coon that he used in the 2006 Dissection Fair; named after Adam and Eve's third son
Shelton
Coolest and richest kid at Nick and KB's Grade School, but no one would hang out with him due to his deaf mom (ANUS Ep. 213)
Spreading ANUS
Initiative in which elderly clients are paired with volunteers and taught how to easily purchase the ANUS podcast's merchandise online (ANUS Episode 100)
Talcum in the Middle
Kiosk in the center of Four Lanes Mall that flourished during the 2006 West VirginiaHeatwave/Chafing Epidemic; Nick was a powder boy; apply baby powder to chafing clients (ANUS Episode 100)
Cameron Thomaz
Government name of famous Pittsburgh rapper Wiz Khalifa; discovered stage name during inspirational lecture from 10-year-old KB (ANUS Episode 215)
Allen Toid
Nick's high school friend; best known for being a smug cunt and Floyd's wet blanket of a twin brother (ANUS Ep. 213)
Floyd Toid
Allen's cooler and perpetually sunburnt twin brother. Nickname was "Pink Floyd."
To Kill a Cock in Third
Psychological mystery thriller about Matthew McGrory's hypothetical quest to have a top 3 largest penis in the world. Starring Christian Bale.
Troy
Former imbecilic ANUS intern who almost lived with Mantis
Coach Tund
Melardia's dad; Nick and KB's Home Ec teacher who demanded students referred to him as "coach"
The Turd Exchange Program
Initiative started by the McDonald's in Wheeling in which children could exchange feces found in the PlayPlace for a free Fry Kids cookie
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Twisty Jim
Nick's Godfather and owner of Twisty Jim Discount Balloon Artistry in Wheeling, WV; sponsor of ANUS Episode 43
Weezer, Too
Weezer cover band that regularly performs at the Perkins in Wheeling; sponsor of ANUS Episode 13