Drinking From A 3 Liter Bottle Makes You Poor
This morning I had to go to Walgreens in order to pick up some unmentionables for my dandruff outbreak. Shampoo. While I was there, I strolled the aisle looking for a delicious snack. I picked up some red vines, a payday bar, and an almond joy. That’s right. I was treating myself.
With my goodies in the hand basket, I went to the counter to pay for my loot. To my surprise, I saw someone on the verge of complete financial ruin. How did I know? The proof was in the pudding and, in this case, the pudding is a 3 liter bottle of soda. I was gutted for this person.
I’m a firm believer that the poorest thing you can do is purchase a 3L of coke. Why? You’re paying 1.19 for something that you know will be flat by the time you drink the whole thing. The 3L bottle acts like a decanter and allows air to stir amongst the carbonation; as a result, the coke contents are a flat as the ladies on r/LittleTits. Small titties. Ok! Flat coke? BAD!
There is also even more funicular worry when that 3L is a store brand. I pity the poor who has to scurry to the dollar store to secure a 3L shazta or Dr Thunder. I weep for the poor soul clinging to their precious 3Liter of RC cola. My heart aches for the poor boy clutching his 3 Liter of Faygo Orange so that his family has something to look forward to on Christmas. Imagine that. Your only gift is 102 ounces of syrupy orange off brand soda. Fuck.
Now that the entire paragraph is out of the way, I can admit I misused the word funicular. I’m unsure what I thought it meant but now I know that it’s actually railroad related which wild.
It’s an adjective
1. (of a railroad, especially one on a mountainside) operating by cable with ascending and descending cars counterbalanced.
noun
- a cable railroad, especially one on a mountainside, in which ascending and descending cars are counterbalanced.
Very wrong.
Anyway, this is America. No one should have to drink a 3L. No one. Not even that dude with the golden voice. He was incredible, right?
I wonder what ever happened to that guy. It’s not just me though. Pusha T also wonders.