Let's Add 'Mauled to Death by the Pet Hippo You Loved Like a Son' to the Ways You Don't Want to Die
Source - A man has been mauled to death by his pet hippo - who he previously described as "like a son to me".
Farmer Marius Els was found dead in a river after being repeatedly bitten by the huge animal, who weighs more than a ton.
He died on Sunday after being mauled and dragged into the Vaal River close to his home by the six-year-old animal.
Mr Els, 40, previously said that Humphrey responded to his calls and would enjoy playing with him.
"It's a little bit dangerous, but I trust him with my heart that he will not harm anybody. ...
The farmer then added: "He's like a son to me.
"There's a relationship between me and Humphrey and that's what some people don't understand.
"They think you can only have a relationship with dogs, cats and domestic animals.
"But I have a relationship with the most dangerous animal in Africa."
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I post this not because I think there's anything entertaining about a man being mauled to death by a wild animal he gave a name to and claimed was like a son to him, but as a Public Service Announcement. As a cautionary tale about humankind's hubris in the face of merciless, indifferent, uncaring nature.
In case you're thinking about adopting a rescue hippo because you think they're cute and funny in cartoons and because they've seemed harmless since they were the familiar "H" in every children's book about animals and the alphabet your mom ever read you, allow me to convince you otherwise. Poor Marius Els was not wrong when he called Humphrey the most dangerous animal in Africa. With the exception of disease-carrying mosquitos, the hippopotamus is the deadliest creature on the continent, tied with the elephant. After them, it's a huge drop off to the next dealiest. Check this comparison of deaths each year by different animals. But first let me warn you you'll have to scroll all the way to the 1:55 mark to find the one we're talking about:
That makes them 125 times more deadly than all the sharks in all our oceans combined. But Discovery Channel doesn't do "Hippo Week" because we underestimate their threat. Sharks look like they were created by evolution to be the perfect hunter. Because they were. The hippo looks like it was designed by Disney imagineers to make tourists laugh when fiberglass versions of them open their mouths wide on The Jungle Cruise. But don't kid yourself. These things are born killers. One ton, vice-jawed murder sofas who will crush your rib cage, rip out your entrails and then go off and sleep the peaceful sleep of the apex predator they are.
So if you're thinking of getting one or you've got a daughter who wants one for Christmas, consider yourself warned. Get something less deadly, like a pitbull. You can thank me later.