Our National Nightmare Is Almost Over As Sal Pal Urges The NFL To Open An Investigation On The Eagles Tanking
This wasn't just a team giving up in the 4th quarter of a game that they have absolutely no benefit from winning. This wasn't just a team tanking for a better draft pick. This wasn't just a team taking a loss in order to ensure that the 6-10 New York Giants won't make it into the playoffs. No no no.
This is the Eagles spitting in the face of Ron Rivera's cancer. This is the Eagles basically snapping Alex Smith's leg again. This is the Philadelphia Eagles men's professional football team basically being worse than the coronavirus which all these journalists so heroically had to battle against to cover this entire NFL season.
Or at least that's what Sal Pal is trying to say or something.
Holy fuck, man. I mean what are we even talking about here? Listen--personally, I didn't love the way the Eagles went about last night. And I'm not naive. I fully understand that tanking happens in professional sports and it is tolerated up until a point. But I also think that there is a line that Doug Pederson and the Eagles might have tipped their toes across last night. But at the end of the day, it's the same shit that teams have done in week 17 year after year after year after year. Were they maybe a little more out in the open about it? Did Doug Pederson lack any sort of artistry behind his blatant attempt to lose that game? Absolutely. But it was still a team putting in their backup quarterback in the 4th quarter of a week 17 game when they are already out of the playoff scenario. Hardly the first time we've ever seen anything like it, hardly the last time we'll see it either.
But thank fucking god for Sal Pal. Not all heroes wear capes. Some just wear glasses that make them look like the largest douchebag on the planet. Where would this league be without Sal Pal being the protector that it so desperately deserves? Where would society as a whole be without Sal Pal being the protector that it so desperately deserves? This man isn't just a journalist, he's a modern day Superman. And he's here to save the day and make sure that the cries of Giants fans everywhere are heard. I'm just pray he's not too late. Humanity is at stake here.