Getting The Coronavirus Vaccine Is The Same Thing As Suckin Dick According To A Cleric In Iran

An Iranian regime cleric in the holy city of Qom on Tuesday issued a homophobic rant against people vaccinated for COVID-19, claiming that they become gay after receiving the vaccine.

Ayatollah Abbas Tabrizian wrote on his Telegram social-media platform: “Don’t go near those who have had the COVID vaccine. They have become homosexuals.”

“Like other clerics in the regime, also Tabrizian relates all the shortages [shortcomings] to sexuality,” Sheina Vojoudi, an Iranian dissident who fled the Islamic Republic of Iran due to repression, told The Jerusalem Post on Sunday. “The clerics in Iran are suffering from lack of knowledge and humanity.”

“Actually, his goal of spreading nonsense is to try to scare people [out] of getting vaccinated, while the leader of the regime and other officials got Pfizer, and they don’t provide it for the people with the excuse that they don’t trust the West,” she said.

As you might expect, this news is a little bit of a shock. I mean, it’s 2021 so we’re all AT LEAST a little gay but I had no idea that getting a vaccine would turn the tide like Moses with his staff in the Red Sea. Like that joke? Watch Barstool Confessions on YouTube for all the Bible jokes you could stomach.

That being said, having logic like this fall back on is just incredibly fortunate. If you’re a cleric, you can just take anything you don’t like and say it makes people gay.

Diet Coke? Oh yeah. That aftertaste will make you gay. Filet of Fish? Gay. Cheesy Gordita crunch? You guessed it. Gay. Super soaker squirt guns? Buddy, you already know that’s gay. Puzzles? Please. Super gay. Buying a flex fuel truck? BIG GAY. Crocs? Not gay but at least Bi. Vaccine from the virus causing a global pandemic? HA! GAY!

I’m scheduled to get the vaccine next week so I’ll let you know if I end up gayer than I already am. I have my doubts but there’s still hope and I’m not talkin about a small town in Arkansas, folks.

Saxophone? Obviously gay.

“Hey Rick. Good to see ya. How the hell have you been?”

“Great, Chaps. Feelin good and ready for some warmer weather ha! How are you?”Good! I just got the vaccine so I’m feelin hopeful. Rick. Can’t help but notice you’re covering your penis while we talk. What’s that about?”

“Nice try, Chaps. You’re not sucking this thing today.”