Police Are Looking For The Poopin' Bandit Who Shit In Unlocked Cars At Multiple Michigan Auto Shops
Warren police told Fox 2 Detroit they're on the lookout for a man, who pooped in unlocked cars at Mr. Friendly Auto Service and Twin's Tire Service.
Live look at the Warren city private investigator as he rolls upon Twin's Tire Service to investigate another report of a "brown substance" found inside a car in the lot:
Shit in one unlocked car at an auto body shop, and you're a weirdo that needs to be locked up. But shit in cars at two different locations? Folks, we've got ourselves Poopin' Bandit on the loose! I'm officially cheering for this guy. And because he's still at large, we don't have the motive behind the domestic terrorism. Yes, perhaps he just likes to watch the world burn, or perhaps there is always the chance that he's the owner of the 3rd auto body in town. That's my favorite scenario, and I'm running with it until he gets caught. Dude is sitting behind his counter by day, asking his customers if they really want to go get a cheaper price at Mr. Friendly or Twin's Tire? They do shitty service! Meanwhile, by night, he's dropping deuces in any unlocked cars he find on their lots. I wouldn't be surprised to see a shift in the Warren city auto body repair shop rankings here in the next week or so.
Although, even if getting work done at Mr. Friendly or Twin's Tire could get a little smelly, it does appear that you'll get a big old Warren Welcome of optimism if you go there:
The employee said although it was unsettling, the poop froze due to cold temperatures. He was able to shovel it out of the car, which was a slightly easier cleanup.
Always look at the glass half full. This is the type of scenario that should be taught in Guidance Counselors office's across America……textbook optimism here. Sure, someone broke into your car and shit in it. But at least the poop is frozen and the cleanup is easier. It's time to start appreciating the little wins in life.
After this, the auto shop deep cleaned the car for the customer — free of charge.
And that, my friends, is called SERVICE. You may not find it in the small little print down at the bottom of the terms and conditions page, but if your car gets pooped in at Mr. Friendly's Auto Service in Warren, Michigan, they'll take car of you. That's their customer satisfaction guarantee. We'll take care of any #2 for you.