Monopoly Is Looking To Change Up The Community Chest Cards Since Almost All Of Them Haven't Made A Lick Of Sense For Years

CNN- Fans can now vote on the new set of cards that revolve around topics like shopping at local stores, rescuing an animal, volunteering and donating blood. "We felt like 2021 was the perfect time to give fans the opportunity to show the world what community means to them through voting on new Community Chest Cards," Nyman said. "We're really excited to see what new cards get voted in!"

There are numerous themed versions of Monopoly and the company changed some of the game's board pieces in 2017. But this will be the first time in more than 85 years that the Rhode Island-based company has changed the game's community cards.

Ahhhhhh, nothing like a story about Monopoly changing up a couple of key ingredients in their 85+ year old recipe to get the blood pumping over a game none of us have either played or finished in years. I remember when Hasbro replaced the thimble, wheelbarrow, and boot for a T-Rex, rubber ducky, and penguin and caused outrage on the internet streets as everyone clutched their pearls about three game pieces they never used in their lives because they all fucking sucked (except the thimble, which was a weird icon of Monopoly). 

However, I don't see anybody having a problem with switching up the Community Chest cards considering they seemed dated as fuck back when I actually had enough free time to play board games.

I still don't know what life insurance maturing means despite being an Old that has life insurance, the only time I've heard of someone going to an opera is when some husband is unwillingly dragged to it in a sitcom, beauty contests are probably about 3 months away from being cancelled, and I'm still not sure what shady ass deal went down where that groom got shook down for $25 for "Services" outside of some sort of human trafficking bride for sale scheme since anything goes in the capitalistic world of Monopoly.

The only Community Chest cards that really hit were Advance To Go, Go To Jail, and of course the greatest card in any game ever as well as what I imagine was the inspiration for The Purge, the Get Out Of Jail Free card.

I did some fucked up things to get this yet luckily haven't had to use it since I am an exception criminal. Whoops, I've already said too much

I was worried that this vote meant that Gen Z would completely ruin Monopoly by adding cards about cashing in on crypto and NFTs. But then I realized most of their experiences with Monopoly is just hearing old people like me complain about any of the changes that were made to the game, the same story they tell about how they actually won a game (I once won by having the only monopoly of Baltic and Mediterranean, nbd) and/or the time they won free fries in McDonald's Monopoly, so why the hell would they vote on such an irrelevant thing? 

Hasbro is just going to end up putting in a card about cashing in on a meme stock, collecting $100 after going viral, and having to pay players $50 for being cancelled due to something you said 10 years earlier that was problematic just so it feels like this game is in the 21st century. Then they will wait for people like me who actually have a Monopoly box in their closet to buy new ones just to feel like we have the newest version of the game that will never be taken out of the plastic.

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UPDATE: Apparently the new cards have already been put up to vote and completely stink since the options are things like "You Pass Out Umbrellas To People Standing At A Bus Stop On A Monday Morning" and "You Knit Cozy Sweaters For The Hairless Cats At Your Local Animal Shelter". 

Who came up with that shit and what planet do they live on because it sure as shit isn't Earth.

P.S. McDonald's needs to bring back Monopoly ASA motherfucking P. They can even have the same loopholes that made the McMillions scandal possible. I don't care. I need that rush of peeling those game pieces off my fries.

P.P.S. It is kinda funny that the article mentions shopping at local stores and rescuing animals, which are two big fundraising initiatives Barstool has done over the last couple of years, yet every time I see an article written about our company we are painted as the internet's boogeyman.