Brazil’s President Is Hospitalized After Severe Hiccups For Ten Fucking Days

Brazil’s President is an absolute lighting rod for controversy in his country. He has been racked over the coals for everything from the environment to the pandemic. He battled coronavirus for quite sometime last year and, according to some doctors, this hiccup bout is a side effect of the virus.

Now, I understand that millions across the world have died from the virus. Tens of thousands are still hospitalized and some countries have even had to burn corpses in the street.  Not good! Yet, the vaccine is still being used as a partisan tool that won’t allow large-scale herd immunity to take place for whatever farcical argument people conjure in order to conduct their own research on Facebook pages and YouTube comment threads, as learned as those may be.

However, that should change with this news. Some people aren’t scared of death or grave bodily injury. Some aren’t nervous about losing their sense of taste of smell. Everyone on earth would want to kill themselves after 10 days with the hiccups. More than 30 minutes and I’d be crying like a little bitch on the quarterdeck wanting to suck myself off for even a moment of pleasure amidst the pain. There would be weeping and gnashing of teeth in every room I entered until my unrelenting pain relented. I’d be calling 311, 911, and every other one one you could possibly think of. I’d be dialing so fast your head would spin.

10 plus days with the hiccups should be a war crime. 10 plus days with the hiccups should allow you to qualify for doctor-assisted euthanasia. 10 plus days of hiccups is an abomination to the Lord. 10 plus days of the hiccups should encourage you to get the vaccine more than any trip Olivia Rodrigo takes to the White House. Those, my friends, are the facts and they are undisputed. Good day, sir. I SAID GOOD DAY!

Ps: this is from the hiccups. Incredible