The Giants Look To Finally Get A W In The Saints First Home Game At The Superdome Since Hurricane Ida
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I may be hollow inside after yet another 0-3 start, but I have to convince myself the Giants have a chance to win on Sunday because there are still 3.5 months worth of G-Men football left this year and I gotta believe sooner or later one of these weeks something will break Big Blue's way, even if I banished them to the small screen.
Instead of trying to figure out what the Giants need to do to win, I am going to think of what they need to do not to lose, since that's the way they have been coaching this year.
1. The Giants secondary needs to catch one or two Jameisballs, which Sean Payton hasn't been able to coach out of him yet.
2. Please for the love of God don't let Taysom Hill run all over the defense now that Blake Martinez is gone. I can live with Alvin Kamara doing Alvin Kamara things. But I don't want to see this smug asshole's face after whatever trickeration he pulls out on us. I've seen that grin enough since Sean Payton loves running up on the score on the Giants ever since they had the gall to take playcalling abilities away from him because the offense was struggling.
3. I know this was the year Daniel Jones had "No Excuses" despite an awful offensive coordinator calling every single one of his plays. But maybe we can give him a half of an excuse if he has trouble moving the ball today since he is going up against a very good defense without 2 of his top 3 receivers and the Giants are on like their 10th interior lineman by Week 4?
Nahhhhh, people didn't like the Jones pick on draft night so let's continue to dunk on one of the few guys that has showed up to play this season because fans of opposing teams do it without watching any of his snaps. #NoExcuses!
That being said, Danny is going to run so fast with his racing stripes on the one (1) running play that is actually called for him today.
4. Fuck it, it's Toney Time!
I am going to watch these videos on loop over and over until I forget that giving Jason Garrett a weapon like this is like giving a Barstool blogger a Peloton. It's so wasteful it's criminal. Someone give that man a single digit number and give Jason Garrett the Vikings playbook when Percy Harvin was there so we can score some fucking points against a very good defense. Kenny Golladay hasn't been used like he should by the Giants so far and now he has Marshon Lattimore on his ass, so there is no better time to use the weapon you used your first round pick on than today with Shep and Slayton out.
5. Coach Judge needs to go into his special teams bag and come up with the best punt protection ever because if there was a way to responsibly bet that someone on the Saints will block a punt Steve Gleason style, I would take it since time is a flat circle.
God dammit, those Saints fans are going to turn the Superdome into a zoo today.
Luckily we have one Big Blue fan trying to flip the juju by burying a Giants ring his uncle gave him back in 2017 AKA the year everything truly went to hell.
I’m not asking Giants fans to do any good deeds or bury something for good juju. Just order your favorite food for today’s game. If this team doesn’t give you any happiness, at least your meal will. However I do appreciate moves like this in the Land of Voodoo.
Giants by 13. Book it (responsibly)!
Speaking of Big Blue fans, we got another outstanding weekly check in on the mental state of Giants fans by my guy El Jefe.
My biggest hope for this week is that the game Jason Garrett showed the most guts calling was on the road in Washington, so maybe he will open up the offense a bit today even though his O-Line is even more banged up and the atmosphere is going to be crazy. The Saints offense is not what it was back in the day under Drew Brees, so if the Giants have any pride they should be able to hang around in this game. Plus if being a fan of the G-Men has taught me anything, it's that they answer the bell at the weirdest time that makes no sense and usually fuck up tons of survivor pools by pulling out a win out of nowhere.
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However if they lose in a blowout or in another heartbreaker, I swear I am not going to get mad or sad about it. This team has turned me into a hollow shell of a man after the last five years of hell and have to sniff .500 before I let their losses ruin my entire week. They have to earn the right to gut me again.